61: morose but praising Him

I was looking over the last ten posts or so. This blog is kinda morose, isn't it? My thought amid the moroseness is that not many people write just about the struggles, and I always find it comforting hearing about others going through the same things. Misery loves company and all that. Though, when I'm upbeat, I am not interested in hearing about the valleys. So if you're feeling good about being single, don't read my blog. :-P I don't want to pull you down! But if you are going through a hard day or week, take comfort that you're not the only one in this season.

~*~

18 years old: I want to get married asap.
20 years old: Why is this not happening?
21 years old: This isn't happening.
24 years old: WHY ISN'T THIS HAPPENING?
25 years old: My dreams of marrying young are dying.
26 years old: My dreams of marrying young have died.
27 years old: I hope to get married before 30.
28 years old: I've been waiting a decade. Hm.

Why?

In thinking about that this weekend, I remembered that I have proved God's faithfulness. Not God's faithfulness to bring my dreams (and His design) to realization. But His faithfulness to walk with me and uphold me.

It's true. I had a relationship with the Lord when I was 18, and it was strong. But now my relationship with the Lord is more mature.

And in another 10 years, whether married or not, I hope that it will be increasingly more mature.

Just like they say the love of a couple married for 50 years is exponentially stronger than that of the first year.

And isn't that closer to what life is truly about anyway?

60: we all have our crazy stories--these are just mine

I got a smile from a 50 yr old, asking me if he could take me to dinner.

After blocking him, I decided to look at his profile because the first line interested me. It read

If you are older than me or Aferican american (a black woman), I am NOT INTRESTED, As I really perfer younger woman the younger the better

In his profile he also mentioned that he's been at the same job for 27 years. Considering I just turned 28, I think it rather ironic that men his age would try to attract a woman who has only been alive as long as they've been at their job.

I got a message from a 41 year old with the subject title being "Hello Missy." I cracked up! Because how can you take an older man seriously in a romantic sense when he starts it off saying "hello, missy!" :-P

He then called me pulchritudinous. Which I had to look up.

I got another message from a fellow my age (yay!) who used "cheese and rice" in the way Josephine March used "Christopher Columbus!" or I might say, "For goodness' sake." Cheese and rice??? What on earth? Oh wait.

(Say it out loud and you might get it like I finally did.)

My subscription for ChristianMingle ends in 9 days. I don't plan on renewing. But I am waiting to hear back from one fellow. He's the one I paid the subscription for and then didn't hear from for some two months. Now we've exchanged a couple e-mails, but I'm wondering if that'll all die with the end of my subscription.

Ah well. The ebb and flow of life.

59: believing what you believe

I know God has put me at this school as a 3-grades combo teacher. Some days I want to really complain. Some days I really want to say "I CAN'T do this." But, I swallow the emotions in spite of myself because I know that this is where God has me. And ya can't really argue with that.

I know the fact that this whole online dating thing hasn't produced any "results" is okay, and God's got charge. Recently I was even thinking of writing a post about one area (among others) where I just realized I have major relationship issues and that maybe it's a good thing God hasn't given me a relationship in the last year or so!

But then an uber-quiet fellow I know told me he found success on a dating site after only 3 months and is going strong with a girl.

"You?" he asked me.

Nope.

I tried not to internalize the passing thought of "So what's the matter with you?" After all, this shy, unsociable fellow has a girlfriend, so...what's the matter with me?

I found myself coming home, getting online, and looking to see if there were any guys I hadn't been particularly attracted to that I could now send a reply to, casting my bread upon the waters, just so I could have a better chance of success.

(No luck.)

Anyways, I have to reel myself back in, speak the truth to myself that, no, this is where God has me. No rush. No pressure. No asking why not me.

In other words, sometimes ya gotta push the emotions aside and just believe what you believe.