9: who I want to be

Lord, I can see the big, glaring areas that need to change in my life.

But I'm also very content with letting them remain.

I have realized that I have fallen to gluttony. That I only need two cookies not four or five. That eating leftover cookie dough might make for a funny Facebook status but in truth it's overindulgence and a lack of self-control.

But I like it.

I am oft convicted about how many movies I sometimes watch. Two Hallmark movies in the same evening. Several Hogan's Heroes, when I should really be doing something more productive, such as reading, or *gasp* praying.

But I like watching movies, even in excess.

Until the guilt comes.

But when you spend time on dating sites trying to sell yourself, when you spend time looking through profiles trying to sell yourself while still being honest, well, I realize that there are some areas in my life that I have not been really working to amend, that I have allowed to settle and become part of my character. Like lack of self-control and a bit of laziness. Not exactly stellar qualities. Not ones that you really want to admit to the stronger sex.

I've also noticed that guys love hiking and love to do physical activities. So, maybe it would help me in my "search" for a mate if I tried hiking and if I started heading towards being more physically fit.

In other words, who do I want to be?

And if I really want to be that person, then why do I stand in the kitchen eating mudballs in front of my laptop, one screen open to Facebook and one screen open to youtube?

"People are requesting prayer regarding their besetting sins and character weaknesses instead of coming in honesty and humility to God and saying, 'I am constantly tempted to commit this sin because I love this sin. I do not hate it. I need the fear of God. O God, give me a hatred for what I now love. I receive it by faith in Jesus' name.'" --Joy Dawson, Intimate Friendship with God