13: of honeymoon phases ending and the temptation to become bitter

Dreamt last night that a friend of mine was looking into getting a divorce. Her and her husband were both flirting with other people. When she began to tell me her story, in my dream, she started it with, "Our honeymoon phase ended 4 months ago." And my response, in my dream, was "It lasted that long?"

I've read a lot about marriage and listened to a lot of podcasts. I know that the first year of marriage can be inconceivably difficult. But it's only the first year. And if you work through things, your marriage will get better over time. So it's okay!

But when I woke up, I thought of someone else I know, in real life, who said the honeymoon ended while they were on their honeymoon. And then I remembered what I was thinking about right before I fell asleep: if on my honeymoon, my husband left the room for some reason and didn't come back for a couple hours (probably triggered from when I watched the Doris Day movie Move Over, Darling, which I wouldn't necessarily recommend by the way). That would be so hard emotionally to get over. Where was he? Did he forget about me? Why did he think it was okay to be gone while I was waiting for him? Was what he was doing really more important than spending time with me on our honeymoon?

Could I forgive and forget?

It's one thing to say the honeymoon phase will end sooner than you expect. It's another thing to barely have a couple days under your belt, if that, and the honeymoon phase dies.

Which reminds me of what I was journaling about the other day. I started my entry thinking about God and me and ended up thinking about the future....

 

"Faithfulness is not endurance with bitterness. Bitterness is an emotional separation. Pure faithfulness is commitment even, hm, in disappointment."

 

"Lord, when I am married, help me love him so much and trust You so much that I can always be faithful to my spouse without bitterness, even when he annoys, embarasses, and makes bad decisions."

I don't know if I can do that. Is it possible? How do you stop bitterness at the root? Would I be able to forgive my husband if he made a major blunder early on in our marriage? What about the first week? It's one thing to say, oh yes, he'll mess up. It's another to have just committed your life to someone and have them do something immediately that seems to be an ominous portent of things to come.

One of my "nightmares" is realizing right after the marriage ceremony that you married the wrong person.

Conclusion: 1) God save me from marrying in haste without having Your blessing. 2) God, teach me how to stave off bitterness before it takes root.