115: on lonely and/or quiet moments

A concept from the Harrison Ford version of Sabrina has stuck with me ever since I first watched it a couple months ago. Sabrina, far away in Paris, goes home every night to her photograph of David. A colleague tells her, "You seem embarrassed by loneliness, by being alone." Her colleague more or less encourages her to embrace it as a starting point.

Afraid of loneliness, I clog it up with Facebook and movies when I'm not at work. But what would loneliness propel me toward if I did let myself feel it? Would it propel me toward marriage? Toward God? Toward depression?

I've been trying to reacquaint myself with quietness again. It's hard work. I enjoy filling my hours with work and people and entertainment.

I had learned to fear the still moments, because it is then you remember that which it is safer to forget. Worries and burdens I can't handle. When prayer for help makes things worse because I am thinking about my problems again. Strivings within me that I can't solve. I filled those lonely moments.

But now it seems different. Quietness feels like an old friend I'm rediscovering. Oh, I haven't spent a whole lot of time in the media-void-silence yet. But, I'm experimenting with the moments I do seize, and it seems good.