121: what if they think he's too...

In the spirit of overthinking, overanalyzing, etc., I've been examining my fears. There are many things I can talk myself through. But fears ain't one of them. Fears regarding relationships just seem so rational! How can I combat rational thought?

I wrote a little while back about wanting a trophy husband. I'm still wrestling back and forth with what kind of fellow I'd like. (Ok, I know what kind I'd like, but that doesn't mean it's God's best for me or that I'd be happier with it in the long run.) But in the meantime I read a quote that really blessed me.

See, at times I become interested in someone enough to the point of letting other people know (for the purpose of prayer, of course!). And then they want to see a picture, or they want to meet him, and all of a sudden I feel like I have to qualify the guy.

After about 8 months of having unorganized book shelves,
I couldn't take it any longer!
Organized bookshelves=happiness

And here's where I was going to give a bunch of examples of how I've qualified guys in the past/present, but someone might stumble across this post and trace the live examples back to the original people, so I think I'll refrain.

You know, I'll say, "yeah, he's not that good looking" or "but he has this annoying characteristic." Why? Because I don't want those whom I've informed about my crush to come back with a raised eyebrow after meeting him. I don't want them to be thinking secret negative thoughts about why I would like him without me preempting and predicting those thoughts beforehand.

I am sometimes judgmental. Looking at a FB wedding photo of college acquaintances, I'll think, "Oh, he's not good looking and I remember him as awkward. But she's really cute. Why did she end up with him?" (And then I see all their parenting pictures a year later and go, "Ohhh, they're such a cute family! He looks like such a loving husband and father!)

So I superimpose that judgmentalness on others, I suppose. Or I reveal my heart: I want to preserve my own self-importance by pointing out all my blessed fellow's flaws before those who are soon to see/meet him. Maybe I'm subconsciously thinking I'll taint my own perfection by admitting I like a guy without listing his imperfections in tandem.

But back to the quote that blessed me. Gini Andrews gave me--gave all of us--the freedom not to please everyone. This has nothing to do with asking for and listening to wise counsel. Rather, it's about the freedom to ditch the fear of what others will think about the inconsequential things that I'm afraid they're going to judge me for seeing past.

"Is your mind 'like concrete: all mixed up and firmly set?' What would you do if you met an attractive man but he was twenty-five years older than you? Or even ten years younger? Certainly there are problems, but if it should be God's man knocking at your door, you're going to miss out on a wonderful experience. Don't you even want to know what this man is like? Never mind the Ladies' Sewing Circle or the Missionary Guild! This is your life! You're never going to please everyone -- never. You are God's woman; His servant, yes, but also His princess. Ask Him what He wants you to do." 

--Gini Andrews, Your Half of the Apple: God & the Single Girl (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1972)