168: the struggle

I'm struggling with not being a mommy today.

With not having a cute little face of my own to call my mom "Granny."

With not being able to ask one of the many moms my age at church if they want to get together for a play date.

I love my school kids. I get so many ridiculous benefits from being a teacher. I get to buy them books and give them time to read. I get to call them mine, and I get to give them "the look" (you know the one your mom used to give you when you were misbehaving?). I get to laugh with them and help them learn multiplication. I get to teach them geography and about other cultures. We even grew carrots and beans and corn together (tho the corn had to go--where would it fit in my classroom??).

So many benefits.

But those students aren't mine. They are simply on loan to me during school hours. And I know that parenting is grueling hard and will stretch you to your limits. And I know I couldn't sleep in on Saturdays or experience a host of other luxuries I enjoy now as a single (and I do enjoy them).



It is okay to at times wish for what one doesn't have. It is okay to have a moment of pain. It is okay to feel the heat of an unexpected rivulet of tears.

It is okay to pause in your life, lift sad eyes up to the Lord, and feel the hurt, before moving on to the next day of abiding in Him and enjoying His blessings.

Today I struggled with not being a mommy.

Psalm 56:13 For You delivered me from death, even my feet from stumbling, to walk before God in the light of life. (HCSB)