248: Valentines Day post

I brought the Sunday school kiddos (all 1 of them, and then another joined us) into the sanctuary for worship this morning. We were singing "At the cross You beckon me, You draw me gently to my knees." It's not my favorite song, lyrics-wise. But two sections popped out to me and set me really thinking.

"On it my Savior, both bruised and crushed

Showed that God is love and God is just"

Ack! I love SO much that God is BOTH of those things and not just one. There is such fullness in knowing that God is not just loving, but that He is powerful and that He doesn't put up with garbage (not my usual terminology, but it suits). He doesn't put up with the wicked coming against Him as though they can fight against the Almighty God of the Universe and win.

But, that doesn't have anything to do with Valentines Day.

The second part that stuck out was, "wholly surrendered."

It resonated with what I was pouring out to the Lord while the songs were being sung.

This hope of a relationship all us single girls hold--it's fragile. I have been through "failed" relationships. It HURTS. A couple have broken me. I've been through other circumstances too. I've felt the deep darkness of a black hole when my world rocked with new, unexpected information.

It makes me want to wrap myself up, build my castle walls, and look with a very, very wary eye at hope of a relationship. Mmhm. Yeah, you can feel slightly elated, but I wouldn't count on it happening for nothin'.

(Every time I hear of a single I know online getting into a relationship I'm like, mmm...probably won't last. I mean it's great, but statistically...)

And that's not right (well, at least the hopeless-kind of skepticism I direct at myself). That's being governed by fear and skepticism instead of hope. It sounds like self-protection, but it is not healthy.

The thing is, even if I'm never in another reciprocal relationship (because we all know non-reciprocal, unrequited "relationships" will continue to happen cuz they're our life-blood :-P). Or even if I'm in a relationship that bombs out. Or if I'm not. No matter if I'm single for the rest of my days--WHATEVER, and I mean WHATEVER the future holds as far as companionship and marriage--I have hope.

You know that hurt and black hole I mentioned before? I know I've blogged about this before. Those experiences--those experiences of pain and tears and cannot-Cannot-CANNOT--I am so so so thankful for them.

Because they have PROVEN God's faithfulness. They have PROVEN that life will not end in pain. They have PROVEN that I have hope on the other side of brokenness. They are my guarantee that even if I fall onto the shards of shattered expectations again--if I let myself open up and I'm shattered--that my life is not over. He will get me through. His plans for me are not through. I am held in hands that redeem. I am held in hands that can use me. That to live is Christ and to die is gain, and, as another song goes, "In the hands of our Redeemer, nothing is wasted."

(Y'all. If I ever do get married and have kids, I want to name one something like "faithfulness." Like "Fidelidad" or "Leal.")

Anyway, so this Valentines Day, I'm trying not to focus on the ROMANCE (in big, fluffy letters) of the holiday. Because, discontentment is painful too. :-P I am embracing the holiday (girls partayyy!). And I'm focusing on NOT clinging to expectations--positive OR negative--but clinging to God's goodness and faithfulness no matter what.

Valentines Post 2018
Valentines Post 2017