November Prayer 4 (those who are adopting)

Father, I pray for those who are working to adopt. The harvest is plentiful and the laborers few, but these couples are actively pursuing taking in an orphan. So I pray that all the money would come in that they need. Lord, show me what I should do to support them, because they are doing Your work. Prepare them now emotionally for bringing a child into their home. I pray that the devil would not have his way in their marriage. Give them Your wisdom in raising the child. Open the doors for the adoption to go through. Father, I thank You that through them You will bless a child. You will be glorified. Lord, honor these couples, bless them, provide for them, and preserve their new family units for Your glory. In Jesus' name, Amen.

November Prayer 3 (irrational crushes)

It is the most romantic time of the year (in my opinion)! If you have not already contracted a case of irrational crushing, then you probably will before the holidays are out. The following prayer is dedicated to those of us who have/will have an irrational, illogical, ain't-gonna-happen-but-can't-help-hopin'-it-will crush.

Admit it. You've been there.


Greenville, SC, November 2007

Lord God, You say to ask. So first I ask that You would hear the prayers of our hearts. We want spouses. And Lord, You say that You give good gifts to Your children. You are not going to give us a serpent if we ask for a fish, or a stone if we ask for bread. We believe that Your heart towards us is good and that You know so much better than us what is good for us.

But Lord, right now, we can only think of one person that we want, and in our near-sightedness, we think this is the one You should awaken to the fact of our existence. So first, I ask that You would consider our desire. If it is Your will that this person reach out and initiate conversation/interest/pursuing us, then I pray it would happen, because You can do all things, even the impossible of moving a person's heart. But if that is not Your will, I pray that You would bring a peace to our hearts. Calm our restlessness that can't seem to get this person out of our heads. If we are bordering on obsessing, coveting, or fantasizing, I pray that You would help us repent of the sin part of all this. Give us peace. Lord, I pray that somehow You could make it that hope in general wouldn't shrivel up and die in us, but that we wouldn't be so narrowed focused on this one person.

And lastly, Lord, if you want US to do something about it, if we need to be more friendly, open, approachable, teach us by Your Holy Spirit how to do that without becoming brazen. Or without bypassing You and taking control ourselves.

Thank You that You know best. We love You.

November Prayer 2 (wisdom for those in a relationship)

Lord, I pray for those in relationships right now. I pray You would give them day-to-day wisdom. You say You reward those who diligently seek You (Heb. 11:6), that You did not tell Your own to seek You in vain (Is. 46:18), and that You give wisdom liberally to those who ask (James 1:5). I pray for those who sincerely want to follow You in their romantic relationships--that You would please keep them on Your path and assure them that You won't let them get off Your path. I pray they would not be governed by fear. I pray for discernment between fear + majoring on the minors vs. lack of peace + a bad fit. Thank You that You are our Rock, that You give us a sound mind (2 Tim. 1:7), and that our hope is in You. In Jesus' name, Amen

November Prayer 1 (singles struggling with loneliness)

I find I'm having a hard time getting into writing blog posts. Maybe because I'm more focused on teaching school than philosophizing these days. Which makes me vacillate on whether that makes me living life practically or becoming less deep. Whatever it is, while my brain is still simmering on the backburner, I kinda want to take the month of November and daily, in writing, pray for people re: relationships. So here's my focus for today (I'm going to include myself and say "us" because it sounds too formal to pray AT people, and I'll be in this place sometime this month, I know :-P):

Lord, I pray for those who are single and really struggling with feeling alone. You have said it is not good for man to be alone. I pray you will surround us with people--Holy Spirit-filled brothers and sisters--who will really show us the love of Christ and will care for us and fill some of that hole we have from not having a spouse that cares about our daily life. I pray that someone would speak unexpected words of life to us. Bring fellowship when we are too exhausted to hike out and find some on our own. Give us peace in the struggle and rest. Refresh us and remind us that You love us more than we can imagine and that You have not allowed us to be alone and single for some devious reason. Let us feel the palm of Your hand and the comfort of Your wing. Ease the pain, oh God!

Lord, help us be that for someone else--a person that truly cares and follows up and follows through. Remind us to care, not just in passing emotion but in action--either in prayer or in reaching out. Show us how to be the body.

Book Review: Fire and Ice

Ok, after cautiously starting my first Mary Connealy novel two summers ago (which, coincidentally, was my first time reading a book for the purpose of writing a review), and now eagerly finishing my third Mary Connealy novel last night, I've officially decided I really like her as an author. This time I read the third of her Wild at Heart series. Earlier this year I had read, loved, and reviewed the second in the series (Now & Forever), but I think I might like Fire & Ice better!

I can't stand the cover art.

Unlike the previous one, the romance in Fire & Ice didn't culminate in the middle--there was still relationship conflict through the whole thing. Who knew relationship conflict could be a good thing, right? Well, it is when you're building a relationship worth reading. Similar to her other two books, the action...! This is what sets Mary Connealy apart from other romance writers I've read. She pours on the action. Not simply interpersonal drama, but ACTION. Though, all three books I've read of hers have been set in the Wild West, so . . . yeah, makes sense. I love this combination of out-of-the-home conflict and growing love (because, like the second Wild at Heart book, this third one in the series also has a marriage of convenience...which I still find romantic).

As for a quick summary, the story is about the third of the Wilde sisters, all of whom have masqueraded as boys since their pa forced them to join the Civil War. Bailey Wilde is the last one--her sisters have shed masculine wear, grown out their hair, and married good men--but Bailey is determined to cling to her disguise and her small but thriving ranch in the opening of a canyon owned by the hard-nosed Gage Coulter.

(And, since this is a romance, you can now make your own guesses about who the players in the marriage of convenience are.)

It is also about Gage Coulter, who finds himself on the receiving end of life-threatening traps and must figure out who would want to kill him. Could it be Bailey? Could it be someone else? And can he help Bailey trust God and embrace her femininity after the horrors of war?

If you like an action-filled romance (and it does have romance, fyi), give Mary Connealy a try!

I received a complimentary copy of Fire & Ice from Bethany House Publishers in exchange for an honest review.

160: the closing of a chapter, the re-opening of an old one

I'm 30 now.

I'm teaching two grades again. The first month of school I only taught 3rd until I got two new students, both 2nd graders, several weeks in. Last week I lost my favorite student to another school (not that teachers are allowed to have favorite students, but as we spent all of last year as the only girls in the class, we have a special bond). Her first day gone I  felt like my heart was bruised because of her absence. Now I have a total of 4 wonderful students, but we still miss our other girl.


my new co-worker brought me this to comfort
me the day after my break up--hasn't God blessed
me with good friends? :)

Two weeks ago my boyfriend of 6 months and I broke up, mutually agreeing it wasn't going to work out to be more than friends and hoping to go back to being just friends. Afterwards, we kept in touch via text, and it surprised me what a blessing it was to know he was doing okay. I didn't realize how much the pain of a breakup is intensified by my worry about how much I hurt the other person. But because I haven't had to deal with that (much), I've been more sad over not having a place for my heart to settle. I was so sure this was it, despite our differences, and both of us worked so hard to make it work (I think we'll both be able to use that practice in our potential future marriages). I didn't want to have to start all over again with a new person. There are still other hard things--like passing restaurants where we've eaten, or going home instead of running up north to visit, or not having anyone who will care what I choose to wear today.

Then this weekend I flew out to Oregon for a west coast Homeschool Alumni reunion. It was the first time I saw him since our breakup.

It was a miracle. We had all the camaraderie of knowing each other well without any of the awkwardness of wondering if we liked each other or any of the pressure of trying to make this work in a long-term romantic relationship. We both were (just) friends! Which was good, since we drove all the way back from Oregon together in his rented red bug!

driving along 101 in this sporty car!

So now that chapter is definitely closed.

The last six months I've heard the same message over and over, presumably from the Lord. Walk by faith. Hope against hope. Believe He is the God of the impossible and rewards those who seek Him.

After the break-up, I wondered what I was supposed to do with all that now that I had seemingly closed the door on God doing the impossible in our relationship.

Then I started to realize that all those things God seemed to be telling me are still true. My faith and hope and trust are in a Person, not in an outcome. Or, as I see it in my imagination, He is the stable straight line and underneath my life looks like an up and down wiggly line.

So I still believe He is the God of the impossible. I recognize the smoothness of this break up is a miracle! And it's also a miracle that I wasn't an emotional wreck from the lack of sleep I had this weekend! (I stayed up til 4:30 Sunday night/morning playing games and chatting. It was a blast!). These are His blessings, His miraculous, against reason, blessings.

I'm 30 and single again, but I have good friends, a fulfilling job, and hope in a God who can do great things, whether that means marriage or not.

Onward!

His fortune on top, mine on the bottom--oh the irony! May it be so!

159: almost 30

Well, it's been almost a month since I posted!

School starts in a week and a day. The teachers are back, and I have a teacher blog now!

I turn 30 years old on Tuesday! I've been anticipating this birthday for three years, and now it's almost here! I'm so busy getting ready for school though. My mom and a family friend took me to Santa Cruz at the beginning of the month.

garlic fries!

We're celebrating my niece's 16th and my 30th tomorrow as a family, and then next month, after school calms down, I'm getting together with my group of girl friends for food and coloring (hey, we're random).

What have I learned being in a relationship these last 5 months? That I am a sinner, and no manner of idealism can mask that fact. That I'm slow to be sanctified, and there's a reason why Proverbs mentions the dangers of a contentious woman so often: criticism and "drippiness" is a super easy pit to fall into! You can tell yourself your actions are a choice, but you cannot anticipate the emotions that will slam into you and convince you utterly that you are subject to them. I have learned that God has given men an amazing ability to forgive and keep loving.

What would I say to myself a year ago in preparation for being in a relationship? I'm not sure. There is only so much you can do to prepare yourself and so much that you just have to learn through experience. I really don't know if I could learn any of what I'm learning without confronting myself head-on.

I used to wonder when God kept saying "no" to other relationships--I wondered if He would always say no, or if I was misreading Him, if it was me, not Him. I have discovered that, no, He WAS saying no, not because He would never give me a relationship, but because He had something different in mind for me than what I thought was perfect at those times. He was exercising His infinite wisdom.

We serve a God who actually speaks with us. I serve a God who has been with me for some 25 years, Who has put His Spirit within me, who is constant in His presence, and faithful to guide me if I seek Him. Is this not an amazing thing?

I am very content with my life right now. I enjoy living at home, I am excited about teaching, and I have a boyfriend who is God's gift to me.

I suppose this is a good way to begin my 30s.


P.S. Angela Hunt's new book Bathsheba is on its way to me to review! Esther was so good, so I expect this one to be good too!