He suggested meeting in person . . .
And (after God moved him) I told him I wasn't interested in him romantically.
It went really well, this crash-landing DTR. He was very sensible and kind. But I scratched my head while simultaneously pounding it against the wall because, to me, it felt like a breakup.
I felt like we broke up.
I felt like there was a void to fill.
I felt like I had lost a friend.
"And yes," I wrote in my journal, "I think I'm in the .005% of girls in the world who feel like a DTR = a breakup."
All we did was clarify the acquaintanceship, the temporary friendship. To me, I had rejected a guy.
Just being vulnerable here.
Am I that incapable of enduring emotional discomfort?
I don't think it has anything to do with my level of emotional involvement. Rather, I think it is connected with how much I view that fellow as an individual. If he's someone I've never exchanged a conversation with, *snort*, not interested, dude. But if he's anything from someone I've talked with a little but for whom I'm just am not feelin' it at all to someone I've talked with a lot and I'm thinking it won't go anywhere, it's tougher.
I'd like to say I just have a compassionate spirit. But I don't think that's what it is. Lord?
Maybe *lightbulb moment* I'm too much of a people pleaser.
Still figuring myself out.
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