68: full disclosure of my online dating experiences this year

November 28, 2012 -- the day I signed up for a year subscription to eHarmony, my first paid online dating site subscription.

What a ride!

In commemoration of the expiration of my subscription, I would like to share a summary of my experiences. Ok?

First there was J--. He's the reason I joined eHarmony. I had heard from him in the summer and was intrigued by his profile even though I couldn't see his picture. After thinking about him for months, and praying about if it was okay with God for me to even pursue relationships at this time, I subscribed and immediately replied to his 5 questions. He had been homeschooled, came from a large family, loved backpacking (uh oh) and traveling (yay), and went to a church that was emergent (red flag). He wrote wonderfully lengthy e-mails but didn't want to talk in depth about doctrine (or even spiritual things, it seemed) via e-mail, but then he never really pursued meeting in person either (frustrating!). After three months he said we seemed too different, and all I felt I had lost was a great e-mailing companion.

(Thanks to him, though, I tried out Doctor Who and am now a definite Whovian. Just in time for the 50th too!)

Then there was T--. He lived in Wyoming. He was 9 years older than me, mostly bald, and 5'9". But I thought he was the cute kind of bald, and hey, he's from Wyoming, how cool is that? Like J--, he had contacted me months earlier, before I subscribed. One of the voluntary profile questions he had answered was "Was Michael Jackson a genius or crazy?" (actually I can't remember what the question was exactly). He answered a genius, and that he used that genius to lead millions astray. I laughed, considered, wondered if he was too over the top (based off of other things he had said), and decided to give him a chance. Unlike J--, our conversations went deep, fast. I ended up telling him it couldn't go anywhere romantically because he would not submit himself to the accountability of fellow believers (and with some of the things he believed, he kinda needed it). But it wasn't all for naught. His last e-mail to me started with,  "I fervently enjoyed your rebuttal to me. You are a wise and wonderful woman," and ended with, "It is not often that a woman will write like you so I pray the Lord will bless you and keep you and make His face shine upon you. Go in peace." :D

Then I got a hit from a guy I had seen on Christian Café maybe a year earlier. He lived in southern California, and I had been really, really interested in him. I had even printed out his profile and KEPT it. He sent me 5 questions, I replied, he replied, I replied...and he's still sitting in my inbox. Maybe I scared him off?

By this time it was summer, and I had been keeping an eye on my unpaid ChristianMingle account. A fellow from only an hour away had sent me a message. He wanted to homeschool his kids, was 30, short, established in a job, and, to put it simply, hot. And he had sent ME a message. After thinking that over for a couple weeks, I dug deep and paid a three month subscription so I could read his e-mail. I wrote back...and didn't hear from him for the next six weeks.

So, meanwhile, I contacted CPS. His profile was funny, and I wanted him to know so. I wasn't interested in him--he was rather unattractive and I wasn't sure if I was okay with that. He wrote back. I asked him another question about his profile, reportedly out of curiosity for how a fellow believer thinks. We continued to write back and forth, back and forth, and, funnily enough, he went to the same church the original J-- went to! Small world! We ended up becoming good friends (as much as you can virtually). At long last (a month and a half?) he asked if I wanted to meet. And I had to tell him--after a month and a half of rollercoasting it--that I wasn't interested. He took it very well--he was so kind and patient and good-humored--and told me he hadn't thought my original message to him had been an expression of interest anyway, only friendship, so, in other words, I thankfully hadn't led him on. Since both of our subscriptions were about to expire, he said we could keep on messaging since we just enjoyed each other's company. Right before our subscriptions ended, I found out he had a couple of girls he was pursuing, so I didn't feel bad at all, and our friendship and subscriptions just quietly came to an end.

During my whole friendship with CPS, and while I was waiting to hear from short hot guy (SHG), I had two instant messenger conversations with two young homeschool guys. BC from Arizona was 25 years old, good-looking, went to a family-integrated church (which I thought was cool), and was definitely not ready to support a family. He also never really asked questions about me. ER from San Diego was 26 years old, Reformed (which I'm not), and creepily reminded me of the actor who played the paranoid husband in He Knew He Was Right. That was hard to break off because at that moment I really enjoyed the attention but I was really not interested and he kept IMing me.

Finally I heard back from SHG--he had been in a car accident, thus the long response time. I wrote back. He took another several weeks to reply. I wrote back. And as my subscription was expiring, I did the ultra bold thing and sent him my personal e-mail address (and not even my junk e-mail address)! And then I waited, nervous that I had just shot myself in the foot. But what could I do? I wasn't going to subscribe AGAIN for him!

Meanwhile I went back to eHarmony and responded to J-2, a heavier set (not a problem at all), highschool teacher that also lives somewhat nearby. We e-mailed back and forth, but his e-mails were short and rather unsubstantial. Finally he said he didn't spend much time on his computer and that, if I wanted, I could call him, and he left me his number. I decided I wasn't that interested.

Around this time I also realized that maybe I don't want to meet a guy online. Not ideally. Ideally I want to experience that flutter of butterflies from seeing someone in person that you like, but the interest or possible interest has yet to be expressed.

To my surprise and excitement, SHG wrote back on my personal e-mail address! To make a drawn-out story short, we are still e-mailing, but he takes so long to reply that I'm wondering if it's even worth replying anymore, if I'm really that interested (and if I'm willing to pursue something with someone as short as I am).

And that sums up my year-long journey through online dating!

As a final note:
After all the profiles I have viewed, I like to think that my current listening of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy will make me a more eligible match to any future prospects. :-P