281: doin' what does not come natur'lly

As some of you may know, I’m a middle school teacher at a small Christian school. One of the many subjects I teach this year is world history, which requires learning things that feel new to me despite my history degree. Recently, one of the topics I researched was the Safavid Empire, the Islamic precursor to modern-day Iran. What does this have to do with singleness? Come for the history lesson; stay for the application. ;) 

Shah Abbas is considered the second founder of the Safavid Empire. He kicked out the Ottoman and Uzbek forces from Persian land, ushered in the Golden Age of Persia, and ordered a magnificent blue ceramic mosque to be built. Yet, despite the kingdom flourishing, Abbas was paranoid about others seizing his power. Paranoia stemming from childhood trauma led to Abbas blinding his father, his brothers, and two of his sons. He even killed one of his sons and then later regretted it.

But in world history, royal paranoia and family killings are par for the course. Earlier in the same unit, I taught about Taizu, the founder of the Ming Dynasty in China, who had 70,000 of his government workers killed because of his paranoia–and that was after 30,000 were killed throughout a fourteen-year internal investigation.

Concurrent with these lessons about Chinese and Persian rulers, in Bible class we were reading about the life of King David. 1 Kings 15:5 says, “David did what was right in the eyes of the LORD, and had not turned aside from anything that He commanded him all the days of his life, except in the matter of Uriah the Hittite.” Except for that one instance with Bathsheba, David’s heart abided with the Lord. Although David was a king among the kingdoms of men, his heart did not camp out on the natural way of doing things.

Now, externally, David’s experiences should have prompted the same paranoia seen in his pagan counterparts. For example, before David was officially installed as king, his father-in-law, King Saul, saw that the spirit of God was upon David, heard the people praising his military exploits, and felt so threatened that he chased David around the countryside trying to kill him. Then later, once David became king, his own son Absalom staged a temporarily successful coup against his dad and had himself proclaimed king.

David had every reason to worry that someone was going to take his power.

But David entrusted himself and his kingdom to the Lord. His trust in God’s sovereignty wasn’t a cliche either. His troubles were real and large. “LORD, how they have increased who trouble me!...Many are they who say of me, ‘There is no help for him in God’” (Psalm 3:1-2). Imagine having those around you shake their head and say that God is not with you, that He does not have a good plan for you, that He is not there to help you. I can’t imagine.

Connecting History with Singleness

One day after work, I sat in my car struggling with my singleness and had a brief Psalm 73 moment. I thought how it was ignorant for me to think if I just spent a week or month in focused prayer that God would finally bring me a husband. Others have prayed and fasted, and God hasn’t given them husbands.

I was responding very naturally. I was seeing with the eyes of the kingdoms of men. But that’s not who I am called to be or how I am called to respond. David set an example of how to look at real problems and choose to trust God to do what God does.

“I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people Who have set themselves against me all around” (Psalm 3:6). Ten thousands of people! This isn’t a blind faith. It isn’t a crutch. Trusting God is an intentionally different-from-the-world way of approaching real problems. It is choosing to step into God’s kingdom and do things differently.

When David fled Jerusalem during Absalom’s coup, he sent the ark of the covenant back to the city saying, “‘If I find favor in the eyes of the LORD, He will bring me back and show me both it and His dwelling place. But if He says thus: “I have no delight in you,” here I am, let Him do to me as seems good to Him’” (2 Sam 15:25-26).

David didn’t presume that he was owed anything before the Kingship of God even though he was completely in the right and Absalom was completely in the wrong. He submitted his future to God’s justice and higher wisdom, however that may look. So, even when we as single women can rightfully claim that God Himself did institute marriage the sixth day of creation, David gives us this example of still letting God be God, whatever He wants to do.

As David and his men traveled down the road away from Jerusalem, Shimei trailed along on the hillside above, cursing and throwing stones and kicking up dust. One of David’s men was like, “Can I please go kill this guy?” But David said, “‘See how my son who came from my own body seeks my life. How much more now may this Benjamite? Let him alone, and let him curse; for so the LORD has ordered him. It may be that the LORD will look on my affliction, and that the LORD will repay me with good for his cursing this day’” (2 Samuel 16:11-12).

And how did it turn out? We know David did return to Jerusalem as the victorious king once again. But David was willing to let God decide how it would play out.

In my school’s chapel, a guest pastor preaching on the armor of God said that, when we are living righteously (per the breastplate of righteousness), there is a certain level of protection God gives us that we don’t have otherwise. That stuck out to me, because I don’t always recognize that. Sometimes it seems like I take on the norms of this world and the natural way of seeing things and almost purposely do not put on the eyes of faith. But if I’m going to choose to live in the kingdom of God–the kingdom I have been spiritually born into–then I cannot grab onto what I see with my natural eyes and wave that in front of God’s face and tell God that that’s all He’s doing. I have to see counter to nature.

This winter I was in San Francisco with a single friend I rarely see enjoying some amazing Salt & Straw ice cream (see pic of their salted, malted, chocolate chip cookie dough). I was telling her about a situation where two people were hesitant about pursuing a relationship in case it didn’t work out. Her response struck me between the eyes because it was so in line with the kingdom of God and my brain was so not there. With a good amount of passion, she replied, “Well, why don’t they fast and pray and see what God’s will is? Do they think God won’t show them what to do?”

Oh yeah….

The natural way of doing things doesn’t take into account that our God is in heaven and He does what He pleases, that He is allowed to do what He pleases, and that He has a history of intervening on behalf of His own.

I thought I surrendered my singleness to God when I was 20 years old, and then again years later. But now, at 39 years old, as I’m hitting my head against this unanswered prayer of wanting–needing–a husband, trusting God with the outcome like David did does not feel natural.

Because it isn’t.

Truly letting God do as seems good to Him is an intentional choice to step into the kingdom of God and do the opposite of what the kingdoms of men do.

May God give us the serenity to live more fully in His unique kingdom and not default to doing what comes naturally.