249: gotta quibble

So!

In times past, I have been ALL about how serious a guy is. I've been attracted to those quiet, aloof types. Mystery. Intrigue. And seriousness has been important to me. Very important. Not that I am necessarily a serious person at all. But there's just been something that has compelled me to value a guy who, well, knows when it is appropriate to put aside the silly loudness and to stop and focus. [I still do.] If I were honest, I probably more required him to know when I had switched moods and then switch with me. And, when I am interested in a guy, I can change from fun to serious ON A DIME. Partly because, with simply a sentence, I can plummet from optimism to pessimistic doubt about if it's going to work out with said guy. Partly because I am an introvert who can suddenly be DONE. So, if I'm DONE, then I need him to spidey-sense that and join me for one-on-one serious time away from the raucous crowd.

But, well, there's this thing called change. And maturing. And learning from past foibles.

So, there was this guy. Who I liked for an inordinate amount of time. Thankfully God nipped that in the bud once it started to seem like maybe it was going to possibly but probably not but hopefully be reciprocated, and I started the process of relinquishing that ill-chosen crush. But, one of the best parts about my friendship with this fellow has been our banter. I absolutely love it!

And, once the infatuation had been banked, and once I interacted with him in the light of not-stalking-his-every-movement, and once I could reflect, I realized that I really value teasing and banter. Like, wow, I want that. I WANT that in a future marriage. As a top quality.

I used to force-test guys to see if they could be serious.

Now I focus on being playful. And appreciate when I see that they know how to be appropriately serious and how to participate in my need for quality conversation.

And I'm sitting here noticing the complete difference in my approach and going, actually, this is healthier. Especially for those early getting-to-know-you-as-a-friend conversations. It also removes an unspoken expectation on the guy to somehow know when I need him to tone down. Well, I still have some residual cues that tell me a guy is being too silly and it's rubbing me the wrong way. But, still. Growth. Change.

Except now I'm all worried that I'll be thought of as too shallow and not serious enough. :P

Aaaaaaalll the female over-analyzing. :)

Good night.