138: break-up paralysis

I wanted to message him. I wanted to ask his advice about something.

But we hadn't spoken for 4 days now (yes, I was counting), and if we could manage not to message each other, then the break would be definite, the confusion would ebb, the pain wouldn't reconvene.

That's always the hardest part for me: termination of contact. I get into the habit of having someone to talk to. I build a relationship. To make that constant interchange end, not naturally but by force, is, well, sometimes impossible for me. At the very least painful and difficult. You know, miserable.

So sometimes I don't. I drag it on, talking to the person I should take a vow of silence for. I prolong the pain, postpone the inevitable, invite disaster into my life.

Break-up paralysis. When you need a fairy sitting on your shoulder every moment of the day saying, "Just say no!"

Or the Lord teaching you to submit to wisdom so the fruit of self-control can grow stronger in your life and thus serve you in all areas of life for the rest of your life.