141: keepin' it real...like a kid

Sometimes, okay, most of the time, I still feel like a kid. I have to continually remind myself I'm an adult.

my students laughed pretty hard today
when I tried to draw a dog sitting up

Like on Saturday at the If conference. I was sitting with a group of older ladies, and one of the women I'm closest to asked, "Does it feel weird sitting with us?" "No," I said, "I'm used to being around adults."

Then I covered my mouth, laughed, and said, "Oh yeah, I am an adult!"

There are a lot of young families at my church. Last year I found out that at least two of the mothers were right around my age, if not a year younger. I was absolutely shocked. On Saturday I talked to a young woman who has been married for 9 years. She is only a year older than me.

It shocks me because when I look at these young mothers, I don't see that they're young. I see that they're mothers. They have experience. They are maternal. They are settled. They are on that pathway that ends in grandchildren. And I just feel very young in comparison. Like, I really do feel that at 29 I'm still not fully an adult.

Interestingly enough, in one of those "truth is stranger than fiction" moments, this persistent sentiment was validated by one of my uncommonly perceptive 2nd graders today. (Note, all names, including mine, have been replaced for security's sake.)

Student A: "Bob is the master kid in our class."
Student B: "No, Miss LadyM is the master kid."
Me: "I'm not a kid!"
Student B: "A kid is a person who hasn't got married."

Yup.

adding a scarf, a Modcloth winter jacket, and a purse
makes me feel more like an adult

So, I continue to remind myself I'm not a kid as I sprint to the school office instead of walking elegantly. I try to remind myself I'm an adult when my mom hands me my breakfast and lunch every morning. I try to remember I am a competent grown-up when I'm sitting in a 4 hour school meeting and succumb to slumping over and doodling. I try to scold myself into growing up when I see the several-day neglected laundry basket sitting on my floor, the growing pile of unopened junk mail on my desk, the crumbs littering my car's middle console, and the ignored to-do list that says to vacume my classroom.

Somedays, it's really hard to convince myself.

Yeah....