153: the pressure of one

"And after all, Marianne, after all that is bewitching in the idea . . . of one's happiness depending entirely on any particular person, it is not meant -- it is not fit -- it is not possible that it should be so." (Sense and Sensibility, chapter 37)

Bewitching indeed! How many hopes and dreams have I at times pinned on THAT one person? "He will _____," and fill in the blank, depending on the cavity of my life at that moment.

I had a realization the other day. Really, it's pretty obvious, it just has taken me awhile to get there. I realized I can actually appreciate another man for his talents or his personality without it being a love interest or hoping my future husband has the same qualities. (Duh, right?) Like, my husband doesn't have to be all things from all men. He can be himself, and I can enjoy the diversity of other people in the body of Christ.

I marvel at all the people God has put in my life, and the many happinesses they bring me.

I look forward to spending the day around my coworkers, one a woman married for many years, the other a woman a few years older than me who is engaged. They are not only my fellow teachers, but my friends. I open my classroom door to go make copies before class, and my little Ethiopian boy with the cutest personality ever has just arrived and offers me a hug. Later on, my socially-aware Chinese girl strides into the classroom late, smelling of perfume (she's only 8).

At the end of the day, I heft my school bags through my parents' front door and two little dogs (they're kinda like people, right?) greet me like they haven't seen me in weeks. My Bella wiggles her behind with her "baby" (stuffed animal) in her mouth, jumps on my bed, and whines happily as I scratch her ears.

My phone dings with an absolutely random text message from a crazy pal. A friend from out-of-state calls me for an update. I get an e-mail from a friend from out of the country.

And then, on top of all these and much more, God gives me Himself. In HIS presence is fullness of joy and at HIS right hand are pleasures forevermore. Joy dims to grasping for a feeling if I am not first hidden under His wing.

I have many blessings through  many individuals.

Can a dog or students or coworkers replace the place of a husband? No, that's not God's design.

And yet.

I cannot pin all my happiness on one person. I know me. I know it would end in disaster. It puts too much pressure on the one relationship.

One man, even the most important man in my life, even the man with whom I share everything and for whom I vow "til death do us part," is not supposed to fill the place of my parents or my girl friends or every member of the body of Christ.

So I thank God for the many relationships in my life. I thank Him for the happiness I get from all the little instances around me. I put Him first in the order of where I derive peace of heart. And no matter if a man be in my life, I want to remember to balance that relationship with the other valid relationships in my life.

I am blessed.


Excerpts from two of my students' recently finished make-believe stories:

"Mmm," said Michelle as she sniffed her cup of coffee. She went in the kitchen to get a snack. But when she saw a cat at the window. "Pss," said Michelle. The cat jumped into the house and bumped over Michelle's ring on the ledge. Michelle got angry and the cat jumped out side.

"Oh no," cried Michelle. She went to see the mess. On the ledge were scattered diamonds. It was her favorite ring because her boyfriend gave her it . . . . 

When Michelle woke up her boyfriend was at the door with something behind his back. Then her boyfriend showed her what was behind his back. When Michelle saw the ring she was soooooo surprised that she hugged and squeezed him. "I love you and you're the best," said Michelle. The End.

~*~

Jake is a polar bear that lives on Polar Bear Island. Jack is a person that went to Polar Bear Island for the summer. On the plane ride to Polar Bear Island, Jack thought he was talking to a kid. But... he was really talking to Jake. Jack did not know. Then Jake put his head in to the water to get fish. Jack said "a talking polar bear! I will capture the polar bear to be rich!"

. . . Jake said, "Why are you trying to capture me?" "Why do I want capture Jake anyway? What a fool am I," Jack said. Jake said, "Yup you are a fool." The moral of the story was it doesn't matter how much you have."