So, we were hanging in her kitchen (this is a short story gone long), and I noticed some Young Living Thieves. I can't remember if it was the oil or the cleaner, but I made some comment about how my mom uses that too! She asked if she uses the pre-mixed cleaner or...again, cannot recall the exact conversation. The POINT of this anecdote is that I did not know, because I'm not the one that uses it, and I'm not the one at home cleaning with it.
Fast forward to prepping the brussel sprouts for our dinner. Apparently you chop off the ends and take off the outer leaves. This I did not know. This was my first time prepping brussel sprouts. Now, I could tell you that my mom makes really good brussel sprouts with pepper and lots of salt on a sheet pan in the oven until the outsides are crispy and black. But I had no idea how to prep them. Because I've never done it. My mom does that.
And it was in those moments, standing in my friend's kitchen, feeling all the swirl of inferiority because I'm behind my married peers in these areas of housekeeping and homemaking, battling to remind my self-esteem that it is okay, because we are in different seasons of life, and I have my own skills, and my own abilities, and succeed in other areas, that I absentmindedly gazed at the corner of her kitchen as she moved around the room, probably talking, and I realized:
I have the freedom right now to take the next year off teaching and devote time to participating in these homemaking skills.
That was in December I think. With that germ of an idea came a host of other side benefits:
1) I could help my mom out. At that time, she was juggling a million and a half things (most of which were not of her own choosing), and I thought how wonderful it would be to ease her load.
2) I could get to know my mom better. She isn't getting younger, and we barely see each other these days what with me working, and her being an early-to-bed type of person, and both of us having different activities over the weekend. (My dad is not at home during the work day, so I'll see him for relatively the same hours.)
3) I could get to know my great-nephew Josiah (because my mom babysits him twice a week).
4) I could write more and see if that's a viable/enjoyable job.
5) I can be more open to what new ministries God might lead me to get out of my box and participate in.
6) (I can travel without worrying about getting back in time for work.)
But, ultimately, the goal is to become fluent/fluid in cooking by making dinner on a regular basis, and (I've been successfully blocking this goal from my mind) to take over a good chunk of the house cleaning.
To those who think it is kinda rather ridiculous that I have to take a year off to do such a thing, I reply:
1) It is hard to work full-time and then come home and cook. Especially on those nights when you don't come home until later. And your mom has already made dinner. And your dad is hungry.
2) I'm a slow learner--a slow bloomer. Whatever you want to call it, I require time.
To those who say I could pick up all those skills easily if I had to:
1) Yes, I could. I'm a pretty great cook I have been told. But--
2) --I guess I just don't want to be behind my married peers. I don't want to keep saying "one day, when the time comes."
That's what I realized in my friend's kitchen. I don't have to wait. I can do what I want to do now. It is a unique freedom, but it is a freedom I have. Why not avail myself of it while I can?
So, no, I was not let go from my job. No, I am not tired of teaching. No, I am not looking for another full-time job.
Yes, I have had many emotions of fear:
1) at all the free time I will have to be responsible for
2) of all the time at home
3) of not being in a professional environment where I can feel like I'm contributing and being successful as part of a team
4) of not being in my classroom where I call the shots
5) of being with my own emotions all day with nowhere to escape
6) of failing at this experiment
And I keep reminding myself that it's okay if cooking dinner takes a lot of time at first. It is okay to try new recipes that might take more prep or ingredients than I would usually consider worthwhile. Because I am learning. The goal is to become more "fluent," as I like to call it. I remind myself that I am going to really struggle to come up with meals for nearly EVERY DAY. Honestly, how do you married folk do it? And, goodness, how many animals do we go through in a week?? #meateaterdad
So, that's my story. I don't expect people to be supportive, because it's a crazy thing to do, and I'm pretty scared over the prospect, even as I enjoy "summer vacation." If you think of it, pray that I remain self-disciplined and occupied and that God teaches me a whole lot! (I have a whole list of stuff I expect Him to teach me this year :-P). I have no idea what God has planned--He might change my rigid plan. But for right now, it's the home life for me!
