FMF "Story"

This is my story
This is my song

Lord, I want to acknowledge that You are my story. I am not always faithful in our relationship. Sometimes I choose to watch Monk or Doctor Who when I hear you calling. Sometimes I "plan" on spending time with you but then this leads to that and I go to bed, leaving you with an apology.

But You have proved Yourself to always be faithful. You have walked with me for over two decades. I would not be who I am without You. You are my best friend when no one else is around. You are the presence that speaks to me when I'm grappling with something on my own.

You are the one who brings me from there to here. You have amazed me with how You have sanctified me this last year without my help. Without my help! You work. You reveal Your words to me.

You are my story. And you are showing me more how no matter what happens, no matter if I get a guy or don't get a guy, or get a guy and then lose the guy, that You will still be the constant in my life, so it's okay.

Come drought or high water . . . prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, so here's my heart, Lord, take and keep it . . . You are my story and song.

Joining up with Lisa-Jo's Five Minute Friday crowd here.

Feel free to check out my other posts--all about my experiences with online dating! :)

FMF: Beautiful

Linking up with Five Minute Friday. Topic: Beautiful.

Tonight I went to a dinner for the staff and some board members of the school I'll be teaching at come August. By the end of the evening, driving home, I was so overwhelmed about next year. I'm a good tutor. I have a LOT to learn, but I do think I'm good at it. But in a classroom there is so much to remember to teach them, so much they have to master. How can I possibly multi-task 7 subjects, 2 grades, countless little things (like months of the year or public speaking) plus classroom management?

Lord God, I am overwhelmed, sobered. How can I be on top of it? Really, this is only my second year of teaching in a classroom (not consecutively). I think how much I've grown, what a better job I'll do. In reality, I haven't mastered classroom teaching. I'm going to give it my best shot, but I don't know what I'm doing. Help me, Lord!

What is beautiful is that the God of the Universe cares, hears, and will answer.

FMF: In Between

Linking up with Lisa-Jo's amazing Five Minute Friday!

Across Bloggerspace Topic: In Between

**Disclaimer**

I broke the rules and wrote considerably longer than 5 minutes.

So I had decided what I was going to talk about for "In Between," ie. the first and only topic that came to mind.

I was going to share how by either my experience at a friend's wedding recently or by God answering my prayer to "either make me okay with being single right now or give me a husband," I think I might *cross fingers, knock on wood,* be at a place where I'm content. Gasp! I'm sorry, but that word, that word. It's the trophy earned by those spiritual girls out there who are busy teaching violin or taking photographs (no, I'm not singling out you, dear friend, truly!) and don't seem to mind that they are semi-permanently single (like so many other girls our age). Unlike those of us who are not living blissfully purpose-filled lives and go through a sighing/moaning phase every couple weeks or so.

But, I think I MAY have reached a rather pleasant in between phase. Not quite in the "give me a husband lest I die" phase anymore (ok, that was an exaggeration. I hope no guys read this) and not yet at Happily Ever After. And I'm thankful. Because even though "contentment" scares me -- I have this thought that once you give up the desire, you will never have a chance of gaining the said-desire -- it feels good to have a bit of the inner turmoil settle.

So that was longer than 5 minutes and now I want to go on for another 7 minutes talking about another, perhaps more real-to-me in between I'm experiencing.

You've taken the plunge. You've joined an online dating site.

Problem is (or not a problem?), you've always taken relationships very seriously. I mean, you've been looking at this guy for what? over six months before you decide to respond. And then you're like, I'm talking to a guy! I'm talking to a guy! on the inside.

After a couple of these, you decide that there's got to be a less emotional way of going about this.

So you sit back and try to be as casual as you can.

And then, craziness strikes. You decide to be the first to send a guy a message. But, not being a forward girl, you have no intention of it going anywhere, rather, he told a story on his profile, obviously looking for a reaction, and you send him a one-liner with a reaction. Courtesy. I like to know what people think of my profile too. You don't even consider it taking initiative at all. You would do the same thing in real life. Casual, remember?

And then from that little one-liner, he and you begin writing back and forth. But it's all cool. Because it's purely cordial. Making conversation as you would if you met someone at a get together in person.

And that goes on for awhile. Until...

You reach the "in between" phase.

Rather, I have.

See, we've kinda gotten past the plausibility of just making conversation out of curiosity about people in general. I mean, really, that can only be believable for so long when you meet on a dating site. But I really want to think that we're not scoping each other out, interrogating each other. I like to think that I'm not raising hopes and that we can build a friendship.

So I'm in between cordial conversation out of curiosity about people in general and something more. And this in between phase I don't like. Because it's a foggy place.

But, making the best out of an undefined aquaintanceship, I'm trying to just relax and enjoy myself.

P.S. I tried to upload some pics to break up the monotony, but to no avail.

FMF: Rhythm

Joining up with the Five Minute Friday crowd over at Lisa-Jo's wonderful blog. We're all writing about the same word: Rhythm.

I am lost when I'm not at home in my daily routine.

I don't mean when I'm visiting friends or on vacation. Rather, I'm lost when I'm dog sitting, on my own, at someone else's house, and ESPECIALLY when I have a day off from work.

I just do better when my life has a rhythm.

Funnily enough I can't stand when people put me on a schedule. And I am incapable of keeping to any schedule I put on myself. (rebellion?)

But I do better when I'm in a college setting or when I'm working full time and I have to be busy. I'm not self-motivated, but I do just fine when I have to do stuff.

I will do just as much as I need to do. Goodness, that's a bad character trait.

So come two months I will be a classroom teacher again. All year I've been off and on praying for purpose in my life. Ie. if I have free time, I waste it. That's part of why I want to be a wife and mother. Have you seen homeschool moms? They don't have time to waste. I want to live a life full of purposeful activity. But if I'm given a clean slate, an empty schedule? You don't even want to know.

I'm looking forward to teaching again. For one thing, I love everything that goes into getting ready for the school year. And for another, I know that at least from 8 in the morning til 3:30 in the afternoon I will be busy and productive.

Rhythm. You didn't want to know all this and I didn't take the time to make it sound frilly or philosophical, but that's what Five Minute Fridays are about. Just writing.

By the by, I highly recommend going over to Lisa-Jo's link up and just reading others' blogs. It's inspiring, encouraging, and easy, because everyone only writes for about 5 minutes!

FMF: View

So it's Sunday. So I've already written a post. So I've decided to do a Five Minute Friday post late anyway!

The topic: View.

It's all about your view, isn't it?

Does my view take into account that my Father is completely good and is in control and is working everything out for my good and His glory?

Does my view take into account that what is my Father's view of good may not be my view of what is good, but that's okay because what I really want is what He wants?

Does my view include believing God? Like, really believing Him.

Beau: "We're going to get through this. I'm not going to leave you. It'll work out."
Girl: "I know. I believe you."

Does my view include believing God, no matter what the circumstances may be?

And if it hasn't, if my view has faltered, if my view has lowered into the AAAAAHHHH! frame, am I willing to repent and move the binoculars up to the heavens? Am I willing to take the binos off the macro/microcosm of today and say, ok, I was wrong, but I can readjust, and take out the telescope and say,

"God, I believe in You. If injustice hits me tomorrow, I will still believe You. I will believe You to be good. I'm not going to stop."

Sometimes I have to remind myself of my life's force by re-proclaiming my faith in Him.

P.S. God, please help us.

FMF: Brave

Brave. I don't want to degrade the word. But after reading Lisa-Jo Baker's post on this week's Five Minute Friday theme, I've decided to write about little acts of bravery in my own life.

Brave is when you finally pick up the phone to tell one job opportunity that you've chosen another.

Brave is when you write a blog post exploiting yourself.

Brave is when you let your dog out to the bathroom in the middle of the night, gaze up at the stars, and don't let yourself be overcome with fear after watching too many episodes of Dr. Who.

Brave is saying okay, I'll do a science lesson in front of 24 kindergarteners as part of an interview process.

Brave is trying to put fear aside and sleep even though you know in the morning you need to go have a blood test.

Little acts of bravery. Not real bravery. But little get-up-and-do-it braveries.

Recommended other "brave" posts:
Lisa-Jo Baker
Seasoned With Life
MiPa's Monologue
ThoughtfulEscapes
James Prescott.co.uk

"During this process, I’ve become convinced that a major sign of good character is actually being brave enough to say no to opportunities. To have the wisdom, discernment and courage to know when to say no, to do it with dignity
and accept the consequences." --James Prescott

We Live Inspired
 

Recommended other non-brave posts found through FMF:
Autism Unplugged

FMF: Home

Linking-up with the Five Minute Friday crowd!

Topic: "Home"

Home is the starting place of who I am.

Same room all my life.

Same bed since I was old enough to have a bed. (I'm only now starting to agree with my dad that maybe my feet do go over the edge too much.)

Same family. Same beliefs.

New dogs.

Inside these walls is where my mom discipled me all growing up. Where we became best friends.

Inside the walls of my room is where I wrestled with God years upon years it seems. Where I knelt beside my bed and, well, wrestled. And in the wrestling, strengthened our bond.

I'm strong enough in myself to leave these walls now.

But home is the bulb. The starting point. The essence.

I truly have a home. And I hope I never truly leave it behind.