252: the x factor

I am not sure I am using that term right. I'm thinking it means that undefinable factor that makes something work, no?

I was watching Mystery 101 tonight. It's a Hallmark mystery.

I've been watching a lot of Hallmark mysteries lately, courtesy of Frndly TV (for the first time ever, I can watch Hallmark NOT on YouTube??). And I've noticed something.

Those characters give eye contact. A lot. They give each other their full attention. I mean, they hold that eye contact when any normal person would look away.

It's not realistic. At all.

And yet.

Have you ever interacted with someone who actually looked at you when you spoke? Whose expression said that they were completely focused on you and understanding what you were saying? Not just understanding, but listening to you, your soul.

And not just giving you their full attention, but liking what they were seeing?

It is rare. I think it must be a personality mutation that only a few people have, to be able to give that full focus and bestow that feeling of worth.

And that's what some of Hallmark's actors capture through much professional labor and experienced directing by the makers of theatrical romance.

But, is it possible that we could bottle up just a little bit of that fake focus and actually employ it in our real lives? Because you don't have to have movie makeup and hair stylists and be a model to make someone feel like they are the most valuable person to you right now.



via GIPHY

251: without Jesus, I would be insane

I was recently reading a report from a school that said over 40% of its student population claim that mental health issues, like stress and anxiety, affect their success in school. It was also observed that mental health issues are on an upward trend.

It made me remember what I have thought before, perhaps morbidly. Namely, that without Jesus, I would be in an insane asylum. Granted, this is alternate history and not verifiable. But this is what I think.

Without Jesus, I would be a pleasure-seeker. I would seek fulfillment anywhere and everywhere. Without Jesus, I would have no basis for morals. I would see that even the boundaries I did arbitrarily set lacked foundations, and I would experiment to see how far I could go. I would be desperate for something to fill me, but I would also be lazy to do what it really took to rise above myself and my feelings. I would become depressed. I would grow inward and anti-social. I would become consumed by hopelessness. I would spiral. Without Jesus, His objective Truth, and the counsel of other believers (like my mom), my only recourse would be at least medication, if not suicide or homelessness, because I wouldn't be able to deal with life.

I know that sounds ridiculously grim. But I am so governed by the principles of Scripture, that it is that which keeps me at the level of living which I enjoy, which isn't anything grandiose anyway, but is considerably better than my nature would take me to.

Because of Jesus, I know pleasures are not meant to fulfill. They are blessings from Him, but not soul quenchers.

Because of Jesus, I know that my soul has eternal value independent of anything else. I am valuable because I am a human being made by God and because Jesus died to save me.

Because of Jesus, I know I have purpose apart from circumstances.

Because of Jesus, I know that circumstances and feelings are temporary and changeable. I have Him as my Rock always.

Because of Jesus, I have hope that Someone sees the end from the beginning, and even though I do not understand His sovereignty, I believe He is sovereign and that I am in His hand. Life is not spiraling out of control.

Because of God's Word, I know that laziness is not the correct option, that morals are not subjective, that there is Life bigger than me to live for.

When I was a teenager, I struggled with depression. Although most of that dissipated by the time I turned 18, I think my true freedom came that next year when God revealed the cross more to me. That it's not about me and what I do. It's about the objective act of Christ on the cross.

Objectivity, and being planted firmly in it, and a personal love within that objectivity, does wonders for my crazed emotions.

So, these kids with mental health issues every day. Yes, of course they do. Because we live in a messed up world and there are no answers. Unless--

Book Review: A Girl's Guide to the Outback

I literally JUST finished this book, am in the middle of cleaning the kitchen after Mom's stirfry dinner, but I want to get this review written now while it's fresh and before days pass like with The Dating Charade.

So it may be a quick review.

First, the setting was lovely. Australia with its accents and different English words for things, the farm setting, the casual mention of kangaroos and koalas--I don't know anything about this author but I sure hope she's Aussie. :) I listened to the audiobook version, so I enjoyed the accents (even though the author's American sounded Canadian!).

Second, I liked the plot and characters. All-business Kim goes to Australia to try to convince called-to-preach Sam, who considers her his nemesis, to return to their youth ministry which is falling apart in the states without him. They both must learn to confront their fears, communicate them, and not allow their fears power to have control any longer. The side characters with their own love story is fun too. :)

Third, there was too much description of physical attraction (and PDA) for me. It was woven well into the character's personality (It was very believable that Jules would use binoculars to watch Nic chop firewood). But, it was a bit much for me. These Christian romance novels are actually ironic (probably not the correct adjective) considering I lean towards having a fairly hands-free dating relationship and no kissing til the altar, and all these books take the general stance of kiss first, build the relationship later.

Ok, out of time! :) Now I get to read Sarah Sundin's book review. I was putting off reading it until I finished the book. :)

P.S. According to Amazon, Jessica Kate IS Australian--yay! And Sarah Sundin's book review (which I DID link) gives a MUCH better synopsis than I did. :)

P.S.S. One of the lines that will stick out to me for awhile is, "What would you do if you weren't afraid?"

250: when you're procrastinating....

250! A quarter to 1,000! Except with book reviews and what not, 250 isn't quite accurate. Ah well. :)

You know what I do when I'm stressed? I procrastinate. You know what I'm doing now?

Well, I'm not reading a school's Self-Study for an upcoming work-related trip. I'm not reading To Kill a Mockingbird which I'm supposed to have read before meeting up with some church ladies this Sunday. I'm not even writing for kids (vs. blogging).

I did limit my stress-eating to one thing of frozen yogurt and grapes. Weight Watchers frowns on the cheese in the fridge, and the frozen yogurt was supposed to last through this weekend of dog sitting. But I had enough points, and it was sooo gooood. :)

It's lonely dog sitting. Or perhaps I'm just in a mood. A mood to chat. A mood to procrastinate, lol. No, several days ago when I was dog sitting (which I rarely do, but I currently have a spate of dates through the rest of this school year), one of the first things I missed was having my mom around. Having another person around to talk with between things.

Writing helps.

If you're single, if you've ever liked a guy, have you ever thought, "Just ask me out! When are you going to?" I mean, this would have been anathema to my courtship soul. But those dating-is-a-bad-word days are gone, and sometimes I'm like JUST GIVE IT A CHANCE. I have yet for telepathy to work for me, but per my usual freak-out manner, it struck me the other day

WAIT

If someone (preferably someone I liked...because I did have a dream the other day about being pursued by someone who, while I don't not like, I wasn't like-liking)--where was I? If someone DID ask me out, and if that date led to another, and if a series of intentional meetings turned into an intentional relationship, and that intentional relationship for once in my lifetime (lol, get it?) culminated in marriage, then

I would never experience singleness again.

At least, not on this side of potential widowhood.

You're single when you're dating, but it's a different kind of singleness. It's not the same sitting on a couch on a Thursday night realizing you have no male to text. Ok, I take that back. I can think of a couple males I COULD text because #friends. And I have a female friend who I can text at all hours. But, girl friends or guy friends are not the same as someone who is investing in you.

And not having someone invested in you, and figuratively standing by to hear from you, makes you have to swallow that urge to lean on someone else and instead check your emotions before God. It's a positive thing.

Having a relationship with someone to whom you are mutually committed is a positive thing too.

Goodness, this procrastination thing is really going tangential.

My point was, hey, calm down, slow down, enjoy this time of NOT being in a relationship, because once you get that date, that might be the end of this season.

And then my friend astutely observed, uh, we've been in this season for YEARS. You've been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, taken all the selfies (my words, not hers). It is okay to go on to the next season of life.

Good point there.

Still. This is what is familiar. And I'm afraid I'll forget. I'm afraid I won't be able to minister well to other singles because this season will fade as much as other memories have.

Fear.

Why do so many things come down to fear?

If we could only pinpoint our fears and actually examine them, how much healthier would we be as a people?

Fear that I won't actually get this Self-Study read.
Fear that there's no way I'll finish To Kill a Mockingbird by Sunday.
Fear that I will continue not to write consistently, even though I really have tried this week to get back in the saddle.
Fear that I'm a lazy blob.

Look those fears in the face. And then speak truth and act intentionally.

Off to check Facebook, then I'll prioritize...

The book I'm listening to now after seeing the same author-FBers that posted about The Dating Charade post about it...and after clarifying that it was a novel, not a literal guidebook to Australia.

249: gotta quibble

So!

In times past, I have been ALL about how serious a guy is. I've been attracted to those quiet, aloof types. Mystery. Intrigue. And seriousness has been important to me. Very important. Not that I am necessarily a serious person at all. But there's just been something that has compelled me to value a guy who, well, knows when it is appropriate to put aside the silly loudness and to stop and focus. [I still do.] If I were honest, I probably more required him to know when I had switched moods and then switch with me. And, when I am interested in a guy, I can change from fun to serious ON A DIME. Partly because, with simply a sentence, I can plummet from optimism to pessimistic doubt about if it's going to work out with said guy. Partly because I am an introvert who can suddenly be DONE. So, if I'm DONE, then I need him to spidey-sense that and join me for one-on-one serious time away from the raucous crowd.

But, well, there's this thing called change. And maturing. And learning from past foibles.

So, there was this guy. Who I liked for an inordinate amount of time. Thankfully God nipped that in the bud once it started to seem like maybe it was going to possibly but probably not but hopefully be reciprocated, and I started the process of relinquishing that ill-chosen crush. But, one of the best parts about my friendship with this fellow has been our banter. I absolutely love it!

And, once the infatuation had been banked, and once I interacted with him in the light of not-stalking-his-every-movement, and once I could reflect, I realized that I really value teasing and banter. Like, wow, I want that. I WANT that in a future marriage. As a top quality.

I used to force-test guys to see if they could be serious.

Now I focus on being playful. And appreciate when I see that they know how to be appropriately serious and how to participate in my need for quality conversation.

And I'm sitting here noticing the complete difference in my approach and going, actually, this is healthier. Especially for those early getting-to-know-you-as-a-friend conversations. It also removes an unspoken expectation on the guy to somehow know when I need him to tone down. Well, I still have some residual cues that tell me a guy is being too silly and it's rubbing me the wrong way. But, still. Growth. Change.

Except now I'm all worried that I'll be thought of as too shallow and not serious enough. :P

Aaaaaaalll the female over-analyzing. :)

Good night.

Book Review: The Dating Charade

So, a couple times a year a bunch of Christian fiction authors get together and do a Scavenger Hunt.

It's great! You get to jump from blog to blog, read a bit about the author and his/her (usually her) latest book, write down the CLUE WORDS, and enter raffles by "liking" the author's FB page or signing up for her newsletter.

It's how I discovered Carrie Stuart Parks, my latest favorite author. It's why I read Carry Me Home by an Australian author. It's why I was curious about Irene Hannon's suspense novels and No Ocean Too Wide by Carrie Turansky before friends recommended them, even though I haven't read them yet.

And it's why I followed Australian author Hannah Currie and saw The Dating Charade in a stack of her books and also saw it in another author's TBR pile.

Long way of getting to the point.

The point is, the cover was super cute. The title was fun. The idea of it being about online dating appealed to me.

Basically, it sounded like a really shallow chick-flick novel that I should not check out.

But the cover was soooooo cute.

And I finally caved. As to a guilty pleasure.

And the first several chapters WERE fun. Cassie has been there done that with the online dating thing and she has the first date down to a science.

But, this book is no guilty pleasure.

Because after several chapters (each chapter trades off between Cassie's perspective and Jett's perspective), I was drawn heart and soul into a story about foster care.

I really don't want to ruin the book for you, but the depth here is what pulled at my emotions. It's what made me enjoy this book so much. The "dating charade" took a back seat to the side-story of kids needing stability, and single people with hearts to help but no idea what they're doing. (That last line was a generalization because, again, I don't want to give too much away.)

I have had a heart for foster care for a long time. Caring for other's kids. Taking in those kids who have had to build up walls or have created unacceptable behavior patterns and give them love and stability until they begin to relax and relearn how to live well. I don't have any experience, but it's been a one-day dream.

So that's why I liked this book. And besides, the cover really is so cute!

248: Valentines Day post

I brought the Sunday school kiddos (all 1 of them, and then another joined us) into the sanctuary for worship this morning. We were singing "At the cross You beckon me, You draw me gently to my knees." It's not my favorite song, lyrics-wise. But two sections popped out to me and set me really thinking.

"On it my Savior, both bruised and crushed

Showed that God is love and God is just"

Ack! I love SO much that God is BOTH of those things and not just one. There is such fullness in knowing that God is not just loving, but that He is powerful and that He doesn't put up with garbage (not my usual terminology, but it suits). He doesn't put up with the wicked coming against Him as though they can fight against the Almighty God of the Universe and win.

But, that doesn't have anything to do with Valentines Day.

The second part that stuck out was, "wholly surrendered."

It resonated with what I was pouring out to the Lord while the songs were being sung.

This hope of a relationship all us single girls hold--it's fragile. I have been through "failed" relationships. It HURTS. A couple have broken me. I've been through other circumstances too. I've felt the deep darkness of a black hole when my world rocked with new, unexpected information.

It makes me want to wrap myself up, build my castle walls, and look with a very, very wary eye at hope of a relationship. Mmhm. Yeah, you can feel slightly elated, but I wouldn't count on it happening for nothin'.

(Every time I hear of a single I know online getting into a relationship I'm like, mmm...probably won't last. I mean it's great, but statistically...)

And that's not right (well, at least the hopeless-kind of skepticism I direct at myself). That's being governed by fear and skepticism instead of hope. It sounds like self-protection, but it is not healthy.

The thing is, even if I'm never in another reciprocal relationship (because we all know non-reciprocal, unrequited "relationships" will continue to happen cuz they're our life-blood :-P). Or even if I'm in a relationship that bombs out. Or if I'm not. No matter if I'm single for the rest of my days--WHATEVER, and I mean WHATEVER the future holds as far as companionship and marriage--I have hope.

You know that hurt and black hole I mentioned before? I know I've blogged about this before. Those experiences--those experiences of pain and tears and cannot-Cannot-CANNOT--I am so so so thankful for them.

Because they have PROVEN God's faithfulness. They have PROVEN that life will not end in pain. They have PROVEN that I have hope on the other side of brokenness. They are my guarantee that even if I fall onto the shards of shattered expectations again--if I let myself open up and I'm shattered--that my life is not over. He will get me through. His plans for me are not through. I am held in hands that redeem. I am held in hands that can use me. That to live is Christ and to die is gain, and, as another song goes, "In the hands of our Redeemer, nothing is wasted."

(Y'all. If I ever do get married and have kids, I want to name one something like "faithfulness." Like "Fidelidad" or "Leal.")

Anyway, so this Valentines Day, I'm trying not to focus on the ROMANCE (in big, fluffy letters) of the holiday. Because, discontentment is painful too. :-P I am embracing the holiday (girls partayyy!). And I'm focusing on NOT clinging to expectations--positive OR negative--but clinging to God's goodness and faithfulness no matter what.

Valentines Post 2018
Valentines Post 2017