236: guy versus starring image

You meet someone. You are immediately attracted for some unknown reason. You get to know him a little and the attraction remains. Then you don't see him for awhile. The first week is hard, maybe the first two weeks. Or more, depending on how much stalking you can do, or if he'll message you back. You see him again. Build the friendship more. Then another spate of time. Another meeting. Another length of distance and time. This is just getting ridiculous now. Here's someone with whom you could maybe, really, make a good match, ie. you could marry this person, possibly, potentially, if you could spend more time with him. Ach, you miss him! Grr, this is so frustrating. Oh, he's so wonderful in this area and that area. Remember when he looked at you that way? When you had that unspoken communication, like souls meeting? Or when he laughed at your joke and made eye contact that said, I see you, I notice you?

The interest in this person shoots up astronomically. Alongside it spurts up the baby leaves of a hugely-rooted monstrosity of a desire for marriage. Down there inside are all the rhizomes, taproots, and tuberous roots of a God-implanted desire that you have nurtured and watered--sometimes obsessively, sometimes unavoidably--for many a year. Every time the desire sprouts--which, admittedly, is quite often--you let it leaf-up for a bit and then hack it back. Because even though it's fine and dandy for it to have roots, ain't nobody want to deal with that thing--that clamoring umph for companionship and emotional and physical interaction--always in your face.

As your longing for this real-life person is shooting up like a dandelion in spring, so is this other plant simultaneously. Soon you find yourself saying things like, "I just want to marry SOMEONE," "Why can't I just have a chance with him? Just a chance!" "I don't care who it is, just give me someone, Lord."

You start imagining a life together--a potential-life. A vague personality that you interact with. A vague voice at your side. Your own words siphoned into male aspect, affirming you, saying how much he loves you.

Do not tell me I'm the only one.

And poof! It's no longer about him. It is no longer about the real human being that you were attracted to, well, it seems eons ago.

It isn't.

It's now about my desire for marriage taking over, blocking my vision with an intangible vision for the future.

At this point, he's transformed into a character in a play about my potential-life. I've filled in all the gaps of what I don't know, and he is now ready to star in a 2D production, with me as heroine.

It really isn't even about him anymore. Any ol' guy I somewhat like could be slotted to play the starring male role. I could repeat the production, have repeated the production, many a time over without the real life person being any worse for wear for all the emotional, invisible screen time he gets.

No. It has to stop.

Am I liking this person because I am genuinely attracted to him and see quality attributes? Or, as I get to know him better, am I still holding on to dwindling hope because this other desire has blocked my vision? Or, another possibility, as I spend more time away from him, am I forgetting why I even liked him when I was around him, but am building up a huge hope around him because he happens to be (the only one) available to star in my dreams?

Not to be brutal to the poor plants in this story, but cut them apart. Cut down that marriage desire so that you can see the actual person in your life. Deal with the marriage desire separately, before God. That is a spiritual issue of dealing with your life circumstances. It is a separate issue from that on hand. Ok, now turn back to this guy. You are now free to deal with him as he is, and not what you hope he could be.

It's hard enough to develop relationships what-with the Internet and distance taking away the 5-senses reality of a person. Let's not make it harder.

I saw a wild rabbit while driving the other day. #citygirl

Book Review: Better Together by Rusty George

I've been horrible at posting, I know. And I'm hoping during the summer, I write a bit more. Because I don't want this site to be alllllll book reviews. And I honestly do sometimes have things to say. I just then don't have the umph to pull out my computer and external keyboard. But rumor is that I'm getting a new computer, smaller, with a keyboard that works. And it IS summer. So I should write more. *should*

Meanwhile...another book review!

This poor gem has been waiting patiently for me to finish for a couple months now. I could have written the review before now, but I wanted to wait til I actually finished it. Which was this weekend. So now I can say what I have been waiting to say.

THIS BOOK IS SO GOOOOOOOD!

I have lost faith in today's nonfiction books, but this book, au contraire, was no disappointment. I mean, it could have easily been a trendy, little basis-in-Scripture book, especially with the fun spotlight on the cover:

"SUPRISING TRUTH FOR: Introverts, Extroverts, Control Freaks, Free Spirits, People Persons, Curmudgeons, and, Especially, YOU"

Gotta admit though, that is one of the things that drew me to this book.

Ok, backing up. Why did I choose this book to review?

I have been stirred the last, mm, year, about the need for godly community, spiritual fellowship, mutual edification. Or as a friend and I do when we text each other Scripture verses, #mutualedification. (SO trendy sounding ;))

I have been blistered by the thought from Proverbs 5:14, "I was on the verge of total ruin, In the midst of the assembly and congregation." In other words, I can be attending church faithfully and still find myself slipping away spiritually.

I know that community is important. But any of us can spout how we need it til the cows come home. Doesn't mean we have found it.

So, this book. Back to the topic at hand. I didn't know what to expect. Would it be primarily watered-down, Scripture-quoted-out-of-context content? But this book was neither exegetically unsound (imo; not that I necessarily agree with every iota) or made up of run-of-the-mill opinions that do nothing. The author actually had some really good, solid, edifying insight, with lots of personal stories, and I highly recommend the book! 5 out of 5 stars.

The most impactful chapter to me was "Everyone else is an idiot." Basically, Jesus' disciples were not on-par with him. They were not His equals. In fact, they were sub-par in comparison. But, author Rusty George writes, "Jesus stayed in community with them. . . . He continued to trust, lead, and teach them. He gave them opportunities to represent Him. It was as if He enjoyed being with them. How could they have possibly been any benefit to Him? How could they have given Him anything other than heartburn or a few laughs?" The author adds that "it's hard to have people walk with me who cause more trouble than they're worth."

It struck me hard that Jesus did not need his disciples to be his spiritual or mental equals to desire to be in community with them. He could have easily gone with the idea that "I can do this better alone." He is God. He created the world without any help. But He didn't choose to do His three years of ministry on earth alone. Even when He was at His emotional lowest before the cross, He actually wanted three of these people around Him. He wanted that community, even though they fell asleep on Him.

If Jesus didn't need people who were his mental and spiritual equals, then that qualification must not be important. If Jesus wanted community, then it must really be important.

So, 5 out of 5 stars. Available at an Amazon near you.

P.S. Lest there be any confusion, no, this isn't a marriage book :)