You know what I like about marriage books? I like that they keep the dream alive for me. They let me peek at what it could be like to be married.
I'm not sure why I like the idea of the work that being married entails, that being a good wife entails. I'm sure I've just idealized it in my head. As if the interpersonal relationship in a marriage would be any different than the interpersonal relationships I have with other people where I say things I regret or get rubbed the wrong way.
Or is it different? I like to think the rewards of being a husband or wife are different than the rewards of being a son/daughter, coworker, or friend. Being married is a special kind of relationship. I like to think it can't be duplicated in other relationships. There is a reason why God reveals Himself in the Father/child relationship, the friend relationship, the Almighty God relationship, but also in the marriage relationship. It must show something unique.
Ok, but enough of my waxing whatever this is. I did just watch a Hallmark. Two in fact (The Wish List and Soldier Love Story--yay, Pixl Channel on YouTube :)). And yes, I cried. Happy tears.
I asked to review this book because I respect Dennis and Barbara Rainey. I have listened to countless episodes of Dennis Rainey's FamilyLife Today radio broadcast and can attest that he loves his wife and loves marriage. He also has a heart to help men step up and become loving leaders in their homes. I admire that.
Getting this book in the mail was not like getting any ol' other book. It's a beautiful book with water colored pages and quotes in gold lettering. It even comes with its own built-in bookmark!
Mrs. Rainey won me over in the preface. She knows she is a mom of adult daughters, and she knows how to be the Titus 2 older woman without trying to be one of the gang.
Mrs. Rainey comes across nurturing and motherly (maybe even grandmotherly), but she speaks truth. Every chapter focuses on some kind of art. "Marriage is Like Grand Architecture" or "Marriage is Like Masterful Photography." Weird, right? And yet, it works! It really does. The correlations she draws are spot-on. This book is not fluff. It is a compilation of wisdom.
What else can I say? Mrs. Rainey upholds the beauty of marriage at every point, holds forth God's design and purpose, and confronts head-on the problems couples face, sharing how she and Dennis walk through the same issues.
I received a free copy of this book from Bethany House Publishers in exchange for an honest review.
"How does He describe you? He sees you as the apple of His eye, adopted, as His child, holy and blameless in Christ, a royal heir, and forgiven; always and forever, He sees you and me as forgiven. In the midst of some of our darkest days when I felt very little love for my man, these lenses of faith kept the glimmer of hope alive. I never stopped believing in a God who can do the impossible, which meant my husband was not impossible, I was not impossible, nor was our situation impossible to God.
. . . So when we have conversations about our failures and disappointments, it is always in the context of belief in each other, in the truth of the gospel that we are and can be overcomers. . . .
. . . And if in the moment you can't see a single trait worthy of praising, then cling to the truth of how God sees him and you." --Barbara Rainey, Letters to My Daughters, pp. 175-177
Friday, March 25, 2016
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
Book Review: Pitchin' a Fit!...and my own take-away
When I saw that Israel Wayne and his wife Brook had just finished a book on "Overcoming Angry and Stressed-Out Parenting," as the subtitle puts it, I knew I wanted to read it. Even though I'm not a parent, I am a teacher that interacts daily with little ones that are still, well, children. They are still learning how to behave. So as a teacher, I deal with frustrating situations often. Students talking out of turn? Asking for help and then not listening when I give it? Making loud, onomatopoeia noises in the middle of my lesson?
My reactions aren't always stellar.
I feel like this book has been one of God's probing instruments over the last couple weeks while I've been marathon reading it. Pitchin' a Fit (great title, right?) hasn't changed me, because only God's sanctifying power and my cooperation with that power can change my bad character. That's a process that I am still very much at the beginning of. But the book has been an excellent tool to jumpstart that process.
So can I share some of what I've learned?
But first, the book review segment of this post.
On the semi-negative side, not all of this book has to do with angry parenting. The first several chapters threw me off because they addressed anger in general and I wanted to get to the parenting part! The book also awkwardly switches back and forth between Israel and Brook's point of view.
On the positive side, Pitchin' a Fit is very straight forward. I appreciated the lack of flowery language. No rehashing or cliché fillers. I appreciated the directness and moving on. Some of it will apply, some of it won't. But you won't have to sit through thick, belabored points or irrelevant stories before you get to what does apply. The book also quotes Scripture frequently; it is not a self-help book.
What drew me in immediately was the story in the introduction. Israel shares a personal blow-up scenario involving one of his children and 25 chickens. The story made him feel relatable, and I wanted to read more (granted, my flesh wanted to hear more relatable stories of failures than the book actually provided). For those who have never heard of the authors (I hadn't until I went to the 2014 Homeschool Alumni Reunion where he was a speaker), Israel and Brook Wayne are the homeschooling parents of 9 children. They speak from both experience and the study of God's word.
Ok, what have I learned?
What sticks out to me the most is the content of chapter 7, "But I'm Not Patient!" To summarize (because you'll have to read the book yourself if you want all the supporting details ;)), patience is a fruit of the Spirit. And fruits of the Spirit don't come about because of human effort. "It is our abiding in Jesus that will bear the fruit of patience (see John 15)" (p.102). "It is not an attitude of 'I will, I will, I WILL have patience!'" (p. 103). Oh and don't I know it! Patience is something I have to seek from God, something He needs to work in me.
On a practical level, the authors also talk about triggers and ways to make space so you are less likely to blow up. For my own memory's sake, I want to note some of what God has shown me that seems to be helpful in my classroom.
My reactions aren't always stellar.
I feel like this book has been one of God's probing instruments over the last couple weeks while I've been marathon reading it. Pitchin' a Fit (great title, right?) hasn't changed me, because only God's sanctifying power and my cooperation with that power can change my bad character. That's a process that I am still very much at the beginning of. But the book has been an excellent tool to jumpstart that process.
So can I share some of what I've learned?
But first, the book review segment of this post.
On the semi-negative side, not all of this book has to do with angry parenting. The first several chapters threw me off because they addressed anger in general and I wanted to get to the parenting part! The book also awkwardly switches back and forth between Israel and Brook's point of view.
On the positive side, Pitchin' a Fit is very straight forward. I appreciated the lack of flowery language. No rehashing or cliché fillers. I appreciated the directness and moving on. Some of it will apply, some of it won't. But you won't have to sit through thick, belabored points or irrelevant stories before you get to what does apply. The book also quotes Scripture frequently; it is not a self-help book.
What drew me in immediately was the story in the introduction. Israel shares a personal blow-up scenario involving one of his children and 25 chickens. The story made him feel relatable, and I wanted to read more (granted, my flesh wanted to hear more relatable stories of failures than the book actually provided). For those who have never heard of the authors (I hadn't until I went to the 2014 Homeschool Alumni Reunion where he was a speaker), Israel and Brook Wayne are the homeschooling parents of 9 children. They speak from both experience and the study of God's word.
Ok, what have I learned?
What sticks out to me the most is the content of chapter 7, "But I'm Not Patient!" To summarize (because you'll have to read the book yourself if you want all the supporting details ;)), patience is a fruit of the Spirit. And fruits of the Spirit don't come about because of human effort. "It is our abiding in Jesus that will bear the fruit of patience (see John 15)" (p.102). "It is not an attitude of 'I will, I will, I WILL have patience!'" (p. 103). Oh and don't I know it! Patience is something I have to seek from God, something He needs to work in me.
On a practical level, the authors also talk about triggers and ways to make space so you are less likely to blow up. For my own memory's sake, I want to note some of what God has shown me that seems to be helpful in my classroom.
-be consistent with the rules
-discipline on the first infraction instead of waiting until you can't take it any more
-send the erring child outside when you feel the frustration creep up--by the time I go outside, the frustration is cooled and I am able to talk with (vs. rebuke) the child, and do so without shaming the child in front of the class (ie. a win-win-win!)
Israel and Brook Wayne are clear that there is no excuse for anger. They cite Biblical and logical reasons why there is no excuse. They are also clear that anger does happen. But I like how they address the process of change. They treat it like a habit. You work towards it through instant-by-instant choices. I LOVE this quote on p. 104: "When you fail (sadly, it will happen), instead of falling into a muddle over it . . repent. [...] Invite fellowship with the Lord again and get going, back in the midst of life."
There's tons more content--my book is all underlined--so if you feel this is an area where you need some sanctification, I strongly suggest you get this book and open it with a heart ready to let God work. Pitchin' a Fit may not be the first book written on anger, but it is easy-to-read and Scripture-based, and that's a pretty good recommendation in itself.
One last quote.
"We often get so hyper-focused on the fact that our children need to grow up that we forget that God has a vested interest in this whole parenting journey you are on, and He wants to see you grow!" (p. 105)
I was lucky enough to receive a free copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for a review.
P.S. If you want to listen to an interview with the authors, here's a link.
P.S.S. I just read this teacher blog post that is really helpful too!
P.S.S. I just read this teacher blog post that is really helpful too!
Monday, March 7, 2016
166: intentionality and information dump
"To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven" (Ecc 3:1)
I'm really feeling this in my life right now.
Last year I taught with a friend whose word for the year was "intentionality." She wanted to teach with intentionality. That was great for her. I was just enjoying my first year feeling like I might know what I'm doing.
But my Lord seems to have led me into a season the last few months of living intentionally. Who do I want to be? Not in the future, but now? How do I want to live? Not when I have a husband, but now? What are my ideals? And can I work to attain them?
Here's how that's been fleshing out for me.
I'm exercising three days a week. That's...unheard of. I'm doing Jazzercise, sometimes with a friend, sometimes on my own. And I'm paying top dollar for membership. Money is a great motivator.... So is the thought of being able to offer an active, healthy person to my future husband, if God so brings that about. And also, this is how I want to live. And instead of being conquered by my laziness, I'm finally feeling the satisfaction of living how I want to live, even as the muscles ache and the sweat drips down my neck.
I'm trying to keep my room neater. It's embarassing how much a single girl will let the one room of the house that she has sole jurisdiction over fall apart around her. I'm not sure why keeping a neat room has never been a priority. My parents are both very tidy people. Perhaps it's been a way to do my own thing. Perhaps it's been because I'd rather do other things instead. Perhaps I thought it impossible to take charge of this area of my life and so gave in to how I didn't mind living (aka messy). Now, don't get me wrong, as I type, my bed isn't even made, and it's 8:20pm. But I have been trying more, not for my mom's sake like I used to (sometimes walking by my room would start to drive her crazy), but because I want to start living neater now, as a single. It's an intentional choice. And I enjoy the satisfaction of actually accomplishing the pick-up that isn't always easy to do in my little over-stuffed room.
I'm trying to do better at controlling my sugar and media intake. I'm failing in the latter. And I'm only just beginning to have some success in the sugar department. Little steps. Dark chocolate doesn't count. Don't judge.
I'm trying to become the person I want to be, against the desires of the flesh.
In some areas, areas I know I will fall without help, I've sought accountability. And it has helped!
Insert clarification: I am not doing nothing with my life. I am an elementary teacher with a combination grades class. It's more than a job, it's my life. It's not like I'm bumming it at home, eating brownies on the floor of a cluttered room while watching back-to-back Hallmark movies.
At least not during the school day.
In the last week I've applied for a graduate program through Liberty University. I filled out the application 3 years ago, and it went inactive from lack of follow-thru (and funds). But now I've reapplied, registered, and am about to do "financial check-in." It's finally the season to start clumping down the cash to move myself forward career-wise. I don't know, maybe the man of my dreams will propose and I'll be married before two classes are even out of the way. But I'm not being held back by my hopes for marriage anymore. Unless God directs me to wait, to not spend the money and take the class, I will be taking my first class for a Master of Arts in Teaching starting the 21st of this month. Craziness.
I'll admit, part of the motivation is so when people ask what's going on in my life, I can actually sound like I'm moving forward in some area. But I also need this degree to have better job-opportunities in the future. I'm excited to learn the content, and I've been planning on going back for a Masters since I graduated in 2009. So this is really an intentional step in fulfilling my dream.
The one area that I am not being intentional in is finding a guy. I am not doing online dating. And there's absolutely no logical reason! (Well, except that I'm not sure that's the best venue for me.) I am completely in favor of online dating. But I have no peace from the Lord that I should do so now in this season. I have no peace even to Facebook message a guy I'm interested in getting to know. Do I think that would be wrong? Not at all. But to everything there is a season. And I know today is not that season.
So that's what's been going on with me. Got to put it all out on the Internet, right? *wry grin*
Well, maybe not everything.
Incoming Selfie Alert....
There we go.
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
Book Review: Risen
In two days the latest Christian movie Risen comes out. Well, I just finished reading the novelization by Angela Hunt! According to her, she based the novel on the Bible, history, and the film/screenplay. At the bottom I have a long summary of the first 11 chapters (at first I was going to do a chapter-by-chapter summary of all 42 chapters, since that's what I'm having my students do for their books this month, but seriously? 42 chapters plus a prologue and epilogue? Wasn't going to happen!). But first, here's my take on the book:
1) What I most appreciate about Angela Hunt is how she researches the historical times, stays true to the Biblical account, and delivers insights you either hadn't thought of or wouldn't expect to find so seamlessly integrated in a novel. She does all of this so well in Risen. I really enjoyed the contrast she made between Roman thought and Jewish thought, and then how each of those ways of thinking interacted with the reality of Yeshua--Jesus. I personally value this book because I felt like it brought the post-resurrection part of the Gospels uniquely to life for me. In fact, I'd almost like to re-read that section of the book to imagine and absorb more of the real-life reality we read about in the Bible. That's the great thing about novels--you start seeing historical events through the characters' eyes, which in this case not only included the main fictional characters, but also the disciples.
2) Unfortunately, this is the last Angela Hunt book I'll be requesting to review. The sensual/sexual content, while understandable in novels based on Esther and Bathsheba, was uncalled for here. Backing up, the story alternates perspectives between Clavius, a Roman tribune, and Rachel, a Jewish widow, who are secretly sleeping together. Granted, their conversational interaction adds to our understanding of Jewish vs. Roman thought, but why does there have to be fornication in a book on the resurrection? When I was reading, I assumed this subplot was part of the film and that that was why it was included in the novelization. But the author's note at the end says that Rachel appears in the screenplay, but did not make it into the movie (which gives me a better opinion of how the movie might be than I would have thought otherwise!).
So Risen is a mixed bag for me. Part of it is so good--the insight, connection, and feeling what it would have been like to see Jesus while He was on earth! And yet, you've got a compelling and sinful affair, which although is not particularly condoned, the characters never get the opportunity to actively repent of at the end. In conclusion, I probably would recommend this book to select people, with caveats.
Here's my super-long summary of the first quarter of the book:
Prologue: Clavius trudges towards an inn. Inside he meets the owner, who recognizes Clavius as a Roman tribune (tribune is confusingly close to tribute) despite looking every mile of his 40 days of wandering across Judea, of his process of transformation. Bored innkeepers like to hear tales--perhaps it's time to share his.
Chapter 1: Prefect Pilate is on his way to Jerusalem. Passover is approaching. Clavius reports to his commander and finds a robber of the high priest and some members of the Sanhedrin has upped the ante and taken control of a tower. From there Yeshua Barabbas and a band of mocking zealots have been successfully pummeling back a Roman centurion and his legion (because a mean rock throw can apparently do much damage in this pre-firearm age). Clavius shows up and, with a little tactical maneuvering, mops up the zealots and hobbles Barabbas, ready to take him back for Pilate as proof of Pax Romana. His commander is among the fallen.
Chapter 2: Skip across Jerusalem and we meet Rachel, bread baker, dealing with an unhappy Roman wife because Rachel has no challah to sell--it is Passover, a sabbath, and tomorrow begins the Feast of Unleavened Bread. Rachel feels like a hypocrite as she seeks to uphold God's laws. Why? Because she has rejected the levirite marriage and thus has been rejected (presumably?) by her husband's family. After her husband died, she refused to marry his teenage brother in order to give him an heir. She wished to stay alone, in Jerusalem, baking bread, and not wed to a young man who held firm to his mother's apron strings. And so she spent Passover alone, an unthinkable thing, because she did not want others to know her secret shame. (There is a hint of feminism here when the mother-in-law asks, "How could Adonai be pleased with a young woman living alone and unmarried?" "A woman's purpose is to bring new life into the world. How can you be happy just baking bread?" The context makes it feel patriarchichal in a negative sense, but maybe I'm wrong. As if it's a comment we are supposed to roll our eyes at and hurrah the independent Rachel). <--this theme is not continued in the rest of the novel
Chapter 3: Clavius learns his commander has died, due to recklessness in battle but earning glory for the family name nevertheless. Clavius' servant brings in a letter (a rolled scroll!) from Clavius' twin sister. She is with child. Clavius' other sister is a Vestal virgin and glad to not be under her father's control (continued theme from chapter 2 <--which is not continued in the rest of the novel). Pilate summons Clavius.
Chapter 4: Rachel sees a procession of criminals. One man in particular draws her notice. He wears a crown of thorns and the flesh of his back has been stripped by whips. Patches of baldness show where his beard has been cruelly ripped off. He falls, and before he rises, he says something about blessed are the childless. What does that mean? And how can the woman near her think to call this man the hope of the world?
Chapter 5: Clavius reports to Pilate who assigns him a "beneficiarii," an intern, who is more academic than soldier, not even familiar with horse riding. Pilate also gives Clavius the assignment of hurrying up the execution at Golgotha. On the way to the scene, Clavius explains to Lucius, his new companion, that battalions are rotated during the gruesome crucifixion detail lest they "[forget] they are men." When they arrive, Clavius observes that the third criminal, a "king," according to the sign, has surrendered to death quickly. Before the legionnaires throw the bodies over the side of the mount, Joseph of Arimathea and a man named Nicodemus come and claim the body of Jesus. Clavius follows them to see that this job is finished.
Chapter 6: Rachel probes a neighbor for information about the Nazarene. She had followed him to the place of the skull and then had helped lead the mother, Mary, away. The neighbor can offer no answers, except that all think he was crazy, and what does anyone ever do to Rome to deserve death?
Chapter 7: Clavius admits he wants power and prestige . . . so he can have a home in the country and enjoy peaceful days without death.
Chapter 8: Rachel's husband, a quiet, dutiful, but unaffectionate man, had been killed by a Roman stallion, his death announced by a Roman officer. Rachel the widow had then filled her nights and life with baking. Then the Roman officer began buying bread from her stand. And then he found his way to her home. She had no illusions he would ever marry her, but in Clavius' arms, she at last felt loved. *gag me now*
Chapter 9: Clavius steps out on the rampart while the sun sets and the Sabbath begins. Rachel has asked him to join her in the Sabbath prayer, but he hasn't. Yet he feels the yearning, not to honor the demanding Yahweh, but the pull of Rachel's goodness. He goes inside and writes his sister a letter, telling her he looks forward to leaving his uncivilized Judean post, but also sharing about the woman he's met, a woman that reminds him of his sister.
Chapter 10: Pilate assigns Clavius the tiresome task of sealing the Nazarene's tomb to appease the flock of black crows (the members of the Sanhedrin).
Chapter 11: Rachel prepares her matzah, remembers Passover as a child, and begins to wonder at the connections between Passover and the Nazarene's!
...the story continues when Pilate tasks Clavius with finding the missing body of the Nazarene!
1) What I most appreciate about Angela Hunt is how she researches the historical times, stays true to the Biblical account, and delivers insights you either hadn't thought of or wouldn't expect to find so seamlessly integrated in a novel. She does all of this so well in Risen. I really enjoyed the contrast she made between Roman thought and Jewish thought, and then how each of those ways of thinking interacted with the reality of Yeshua--Jesus. I personally value this book because I felt like it brought the post-resurrection part of the Gospels uniquely to life for me. In fact, I'd almost like to re-read that section of the book to imagine and absorb more of the real-life reality we read about in the Bible. That's the great thing about novels--you start seeing historical events through the characters' eyes, which in this case not only included the main fictional characters, but also the disciples.
2) Unfortunately, this is the last Angela Hunt book I'll be requesting to review. The sensual/sexual content, while understandable in novels based on Esther and Bathsheba, was uncalled for here. Backing up, the story alternates perspectives between Clavius, a Roman tribune, and Rachel, a Jewish widow, who are secretly sleeping together. Granted, their conversational interaction adds to our understanding of Jewish vs. Roman thought, but why does there have to be fornication in a book on the resurrection? When I was reading, I assumed this subplot was part of the film and that that was why it was included in the novelization. But the author's note at the end says that Rachel appears in the screenplay, but did not make it into the movie (which gives me a better opinion of how the movie might be than I would have thought otherwise!).
So Risen is a mixed bag for me. Part of it is so good--the insight, connection, and feeling what it would have been like to see Jesus while He was on earth! And yet, you've got a compelling and sinful affair, which although is not particularly condoned, the characters never get the opportunity to actively repent of at the end. In conclusion, I probably would recommend this book to select people, with caveats.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
Here's my super-long summary of the first quarter of the book:
Prologue: Clavius trudges towards an inn. Inside he meets the owner, who recognizes Clavius as a Roman tribune (tribune is confusingly close to tribute) despite looking every mile of his 40 days of wandering across Judea, of his process of transformation. Bored innkeepers like to hear tales--perhaps it's time to share his.
Chapter 1: Prefect Pilate is on his way to Jerusalem. Passover is approaching. Clavius reports to his commander and finds a robber of the high priest and some members of the Sanhedrin has upped the ante and taken control of a tower. From there Yeshua Barabbas and a band of mocking zealots have been successfully pummeling back a Roman centurion and his legion (because a mean rock throw can apparently do much damage in this pre-firearm age). Clavius shows up and, with a little tactical maneuvering, mops up the zealots and hobbles Barabbas, ready to take him back for Pilate as proof of Pax Romana. His commander is among the fallen.
Chapter 2: Skip across Jerusalem and we meet Rachel, bread baker, dealing with an unhappy Roman wife because Rachel has no challah to sell--it is Passover, a sabbath, and tomorrow begins the Feast of Unleavened Bread. Rachel feels like a hypocrite as she seeks to uphold God's laws. Why? Because she has rejected the levirite marriage and thus has been rejected (presumably?) by her husband's family. After her husband died, she refused to marry his teenage brother in order to give him an heir. She wished to stay alone, in Jerusalem, baking bread, and not wed to a young man who held firm to his mother's apron strings. And so she spent Passover alone, an unthinkable thing, because she did not want others to know her secret shame. (There is a hint of feminism here when the mother-in-law asks, "How could Adonai be pleased with a young woman living alone and unmarried?" "A woman's purpose is to bring new life into the world. How can you be happy just baking bread?" The context makes it feel patriarchichal in a negative sense, but maybe I'm wrong. As if it's a comment we are supposed to roll our eyes at and hurrah the independent Rachel). <--this theme is not continued in the rest of the novel
Chapter 3: Clavius learns his commander has died, due to recklessness in battle but earning glory for the family name nevertheless. Clavius' servant brings in a letter (a rolled scroll!) from Clavius' twin sister. She is with child. Clavius' other sister is a Vestal virgin and glad to not be under her father's control (continued theme from chapter 2 <--which is not continued in the rest of the novel). Pilate summons Clavius.
Chapter 4: Rachel sees a procession of criminals. One man in particular draws her notice. He wears a crown of thorns and the flesh of his back has been stripped by whips. Patches of baldness show where his beard has been cruelly ripped off. He falls, and before he rises, he says something about blessed are the childless. What does that mean? And how can the woman near her think to call this man the hope of the world?
Chapter 5: Clavius reports to Pilate who assigns him a "beneficiarii," an intern, who is more academic than soldier, not even familiar with horse riding. Pilate also gives Clavius the assignment of hurrying up the execution at Golgotha. On the way to the scene, Clavius explains to Lucius, his new companion, that battalions are rotated during the gruesome crucifixion detail lest they "[forget] they are men." When they arrive, Clavius observes that the third criminal, a "king," according to the sign, has surrendered to death quickly. Before the legionnaires throw the bodies over the side of the mount, Joseph of Arimathea and a man named Nicodemus come and claim the body of Jesus. Clavius follows them to see that this job is finished.
Chapter 6: Rachel probes a neighbor for information about the Nazarene. She had followed him to the place of the skull and then had helped lead the mother, Mary, away. The neighbor can offer no answers, except that all think he was crazy, and what does anyone ever do to Rome to deserve death?
Chapter 7: Clavius admits he wants power and prestige . . . so he can have a home in the country and enjoy peaceful days without death.
Chapter 8: Rachel's husband, a quiet, dutiful, but unaffectionate man, had been killed by a Roman stallion, his death announced by a Roman officer. Rachel the widow had then filled her nights and life with baking. Then the Roman officer began buying bread from her stand. And then he found his way to her home. She had no illusions he would ever marry her, but in Clavius' arms, she at last felt loved. *gag me now*
Chapter 9: Clavius steps out on the rampart while the sun sets and the Sabbath begins. Rachel has asked him to join her in the Sabbath prayer, but he hasn't. Yet he feels the yearning, not to honor the demanding Yahweh, but the pull of Rachel's goodness. He goes inside and writes his sister a letter, telling her he looks forward to leaving his uncivilized Judean post, but also sharing about the woman he's met, a woman that reminds him of his sister.
Chapter 10: Pilate assigns Clavius the tiresome task of sealing the Nazarene's tomb to appease the flock of black crows (the members of the Sanhedrin).
Chapter 11: Rachel prepares her matzah, remembers Passover as a child, and begins to wonder at the connections between Passover and the Nazarene's!
...the story continues when Pilate tasks Clavius with finding the missing body of the Nazarene!
Sunday, February 14, 2016
165: Vday and faith
"For the Lord is,
He is able
He is faithful
Higher than the mountains that I face
Every season, I will press on
For God alone, is on the throne" (Kari Jobe)
I'm sure every season is about faith, but I'm not walking other seasons, I'm walking the path of singleness, so this is what I know.
I'm surviving (and thriving) this Valentines Day because of faith.
Because I have lived 30 years with my Lord and have grown (at least for this moment) in my trust in Him.
Psalm 135:6 - "Whatever the LORD pleases He does".
He is able, He is faithful. Whatever He purposes, He does. I plant my feet here and declare that what God purposes, He can do. He can do the impossible (ie. getting me married). And I pray for the impossible. I hope for the impossible. I believe in Him and His ability to do the impossible.
This Valentines Day I am not embracing resignation. I am embracing hope. But, more satisfying, I am embracing my Lord, declaring that knowing Him is primary and believing in Him is my peace.
Singleness is about faith. Faith that following Him is more fulfilling and more peaceful than longing after something else ad infinitum to my heart's misery. Believing that if He takes something way it is only because He has something better. He is something better.
Believing that even though I cannot predict the future, control the future, or manipulate the future, I can be excited about what God might do (even if unrelated to my relationship status), because my God does the unthinkable!
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for,
the evidence of things not seen." (Heb. 11:1)
Tuesday, February 2, 2016
164: Vday and rambling
This year I'm struggling just a bit with the upcoming Valentines Day. In years past I've been able to console myself with thoughts of a girls party, complete with chick flicks, staying up late, and way too much chocolate and other yummy treats. Maybe it's because I've done that too many times since last Vday, but I would rather the holiday pass me by without party or focusing on love-is-in-the-air.
The last couple months have found me focusing on self-improvement. Thanks to an accountability group set up by a friend in December, and thanks to the power of the Holy Spirit opening my eyes, I came to realize that I could make goals and change what I wanted about myself. I have a strong will and little discipline, so lately I had been resigning mself to who I am, which was appropriate for a season, but now, at long last, and through God's grace, I feel like I can be who I want to be, who God wants me to be. So I've set little goals for myself and am enjoying being more intentional.
I like my life for the most part. My job is fulfilling and time-consuming. It gives me an unending outlet for creativity. Outside of work I have a solid group of girls to have fun with.
But still, Valentines...sometimes I see FB posts by married friends and all of a sudden feel like my life doesn't matter. It does though. But it's different. Their life is different from mine and mine is different from theirs and that is what God has planned, but sometimes different doesn't feel equal in value. Sometimes it feels like they are moving ahead and I am still in the same stage of life I've always been in.
So much of life has nothing to do with a mate. I live. I live life. I hear from God and I move forward and backward and forward again. I make decisions and I depend on God for my sanctification and I interact with kids daily and am thankful that I have the opportunity to impact the next generation even if they are not biologically mine.
But still. Valentines. I don't want to see all of it on my FB feed.
I look at pics from my alma mater and it saddens me to think how little I took advantage of the unique situation of being in a massive coed single community. Do you know how rarely I interact with single male peers? Or even married male peers? It's so rare that that's probably why I'm single--I don't even know how to interact with guys my age! (slight exaggeration)
But then I've also realized lately how rare true fellowship is for me. I've tasted it a couple times in the last couple months and it tasted so...deep. I think I have become shallow the last year or so and I think I did so on purpose. I think I realized I was analyzing guys too much, and so in order to make myself more relaxed, I relaxed everything. Once out of the habit, I avoided meaningful conversation because usually it's over an over-hashed topic anyway, is more academic than practical, and involves disagreement. But oh what have I lost of myself by losing my depth? And so I am re-seeking that.
This is what we call a rambling post :)
Meanwhile, this week is spirit week at school. Today my class all dressed in yellow. Then I had to go out in public in my yellow polka dotted dress, yellow zip-up jacket, and yellow headband. I felt...very bright. But besides sticking out, I think I actually liked looking cheerful today. Not sure if I'll ever do it again though. :)
This ramble was written on my phone. I think that should serve as a bonafide, cover-all excuse.
Goodnight :)
The last couple months have found me focusing on self-improvement. Thanks to an accountability group set up by a friend in December, and thanks to the power of the Holy Spirit opening my eyes, I came to realize that I could make goals and change what I wanted about myself. I have a strong will and little discipline, so lately I had been resigning mself to who I am, which was appropriate for a season, but now, at long last, and through God's grace, I feel like I can be who I want to be, who God wants me to be. So I've set little goals for myself and am enjoying being more intentional.
I like my life for the most part. My job is fulfilling and time-consuming. It gives me an unending outlet for creativity. Outside of work I have a solid group of girls to have fun with.
But still, Valentines...sometimes I see FB posts by married friends and all of a sudden feel like my life doesn't matter. It does though. But it's different. Their life is different from mine and mine is different from theirs and that is what God has planned, but sometimes different doesn't feel equal in value. Sometimes it feels like they are moving ahead and I am still in the same stage of life I've always been in.
So much of life has nothing to do with a mate. I live. I live life. I hear from God and I move forward and backward and forward again. I make decisions and I depend on God for my sanctification and I interact with kids daily and am thankful that I have the opportunity to impact the next generation even if they are not biologically mine.
But still. Valentines. I don't want to see all of it on my FB feed.
I look at pics from my alma mater and it saddens me to think how little I took advantage of the unique situation of being in a massive coed single community. Do you know how rarely I interact with single male peers? Or even married male peers? It's so rare that that's probably why I'm single--I don't even know how to interact with guys my age! (slight exaggeration)
But then I've also realized lately how rare true fellowship is for me. I've tasted it a couple times in the last couple months and it tasted so...deep. I think I have become shallow the last year or so and I think I did so on purpose. I think I realized I was analyzing guys too much, and so in order to make myself more relaxed, I relaxed everything. Once out of the habit, I avoided meaningful conversation because usually it's over an over-hashed topic anyway, is more academic than practical, and involves disagreement. But oh what have I lost of myself by losing my depth? And so I am re-seeking that.
This is what we call a rambling post :)
Meanwhile, this week is spirit week at school. Today my class all dressed in yellow. Then I had to go out in public in my yellow polka dotted dress, yellow zip-up jacket, and yellow headband. I felt...very bright. But besides sticking out, I think I actually liked looking cheerful today. Not sure if I'll ever do it again though. :)
This ramble was written on my phone. I think that should serve as a bonafide, cover-all excuse.
Goodnight :)
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
163: fixing people
"In the daily battles of life one can be tempted to give in to depression or fatigue as we see sin and compromising increasing. Yet there is hope. God is sovereign. Nothing is inevitable except what God has decreed. And there is power in prayer." --Peter Hammond, Putting Feet to Your Faith
I see people interact in my life and I cringe. I know what they should say, and I know what they definitely should not say. I know what they should do, and I want to force them not to do what they sound like they are about to do that I know would turn out wrong, wrong, wrong.
I interact with my students, and sometimes my voice raises and hardens as I try. to. make. them. do. what I am asking them to do, and try. to. make. them. stop. thinking about whatever they are thinking about and just learn!!!! (For example, "dogs" apparently are hilarious, especially when pronounced "dawg" and it's been a constant distraction in my classroom since November. Dawg!)
I find myself powerless to make people do what I want them to do. I cannot control other people. I can try, and sometimes I do try, but it doesn't generally work. (Actually, it generally flops pretty badly and sends me repenting to God.)
I cannot fix other people. I cannot force them. I cannot manipulate them to see my point of view, however valid and right.
I am powerless to fix other people. So I must resort to the biggest and only weapon I have--prayer.
"The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD,
Like the rivers of water;
He turns it wherever He wishes." (Proverbs 21:1)
I can hunker down in the cleft of the Lord and I can pray that the mountains will fall down and miracles will be done and the power of the Lord will bring change.Because God can fix people, God does fix people, and right now He seems to be "fixing" my tendency to control and manipulate and teaching me how to practice self-control and prayer.
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