17: I have confidence?

I knew a lot more when I was a teenager. I had strong convictions, high standards for my future husband, and I knew what I wanted to do with my life.

Now I'm not sure, not sure, not sure.

I'm also finding that I can realize I'm wrong shortly after I was pretty sure I was right, which makes writing a blog somewhat precarious because you might cringe at what you said weeks or months later.

But even when I'm not being convicted that I was wrong, I tend to be wishy-washy and chameleon-like.

For example, the opposite of proper confidence is when you look back at your weekend and see yourself

talking about careers with a friend on Saturday

looking longingly at the three young marrieds dedicating their babies Sunday morning

laughing at a different friend's Rosie the Riveter inference at Sunday lunch

then being totally confused when Sunday evening two other friends refer positively to a quote about men being made to conquer the world and women are supposed to love their men for it and wondering, at this point, am I supposed to agree or disagree?
What group of people am I with again?
Is this the nod and agree or is this the look appropriately shocked group?

-cue chameleon music-

  

When I find myself nodding my head at two seemingly opposing statements in the same day I just have to wonder WHO AM I? Driven and tossed with every gust of wind perhaps?

Proper confidence is also not freaking out when someone questions the wisdom of a decision you've made after you've already agonized before coming to the decision.

A friend shared with me that, although she knows that God greatly uses counselors and that it's important to get counsel, she wants to start turning to God first in her decision-making.

There's lots of talk about being your own person and not letting people bring you down. Enough to make me ponder whether I should even try to improve my own confidence level.

But what my friend said reminded me that even though I do think it's important for me to grow in personal firmness so I'm not a chameleon, confidence can be empty, and often is empty, when it is not founded in seeking the Highest Authority, Counselor, and Future-Knower. Otherwise it's like having confidence in confidence alone (cue Sound of Music). What is that anyway? (It's a desperate personal peptalk until you convince yourself.)

I don't want a I-know-who-I-am-and-if-you-don't-like-it-don't-waste-my-time attitude.

But to be firm in who I am and where I stand because my confidence comes from the Rock, my Father, my Guide (versus sunshine, rain, and that spring will come again)? That works!