Monday, August 5, 2013

56: I wish I knew you blues

How do you describe an emotional rollercoaster? Turmoil, elation, hope, deflation.

After several days of things-are-looking-up, tonight I'm thinking...

...I don't know.

...Why can't I just meet "the one" and everything fall into place?

...Why can't this be a lot easier?

...At least I have the excitement of school to fall back on.

...At least God has given me school to focus on.

...God is always there. He's what gives my life meaning.

...*sigh*

Y'know how it is.

Insight into myself: I fear the process between unattached singleness and marriage because I have not yet learned how to do the slight commitment but not full comitment, work through things for this relationship but still have a backdoor to jump at any time because it's just temporary, maybe, don't look at other guys because you're in a relationship, do be open to other guys because you're not married yet, relationship maze that so many people pull off and hopefully I will one day too but for now it seems awfully confusing.

Why do I write?
Because I like to. :-P
And hopefully someone out there sometime
will come across something here that speaks to her
and encourages her
that she's not the only one.
 
And maybe she'll learn more about herself
by hearing about this portion of my journey.

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