285: footnote to "the fullest God wants for you"

I watch a reel of Full House--Jesse finding out that his wife Becky is pregnant--and oh goodness, I want to be them.

I remember that phrase: the fullest that God has for me. For me personally.

What if it's not.........

Hands raised. Soaking in the reality that a marriage relationship is something I may never have.

Like your life flashing before your eyes, because that is not who I ever wanted to be. I don't want it to stay this way for the rest of my life even if it is a good life.

The fullest God has for us--we literally have no idea if our whole future will change tomorrow or if it will stay the same. But, in His hands, it will be amazing.

That's living by faith.

284: the fullest God wants for you

On Monday at Bible study we read the classic Ephesians 2:10: For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.

I wondered what others thought: the good works God prepared for us, are those general or specific to individuals? I tend to think general, one or two people said specific. Either way, the verse started the topic rolling in my head. A catalyst for what was to come.

Later that week I was listening to the YWAM International Adventures book Bring Your Eyes and See by Steve and Marie Goode. In the book, they remembered a time when Marie felt God tell her that she could have your husband healed, get pregnant, and have a baby or they could have God’s maximum for their lives. It was their choice to make. They felt God give them that choice again later, to go back to Switzerland or to choose God’s maximum—their choice (from chapter 7: Right Appearing).

Around the same time, in the Kindle Unlimited book I was reading--Space, Time & the Shopkeeper--the main character encountered a similar choice. Excuse the sci-fi element, but the character had the choice whether to continue to be transported in her dreams to real places in real life where she could really help people, or to continue to live her normal life. She hears a Voice tell her, “I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do. I just want you to be the fullest I made you to be. I want you to be yourself. Not who you think you are or want to be, but who you truly are” (chapter 11, Decisions, Decisions).

Then this morning, I picked up the top book in a stack of singleness books I planned to widdle down, because goodness, I have so many books! Chapter 1, first page, quoted the back cover of Learning to Be a Woman by Kenneth G. Smith: “A woman becomes a woman when she becomes what God wants her to be.” Now, maybe this was intended to be a generic statement, but for me, it sounded like the third echo this week of the same message: God has a specific vision for what my life could be.

With God confirming the same type of message three times, I'm left with my hands open going, "Lord?"

What about you? Is God speaking something to you too these days?

Proverbs 3:6: “In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.”

283: upwards this Easter

With two friends in the throes of new relationships and with Easter Sunday tomorrow–the day when families go to church together and ladies show off their new dresses while I’ll be going solo wearing something already in my closet, I’m going to need this reminder.

So much of our struggles center around earth and our lives here. And to an extent, that is good and natural. But we are called to something higher. We are called citizens of heaven, a kingdom not of this earth. So, while we live in the nature God created and feel the ebb and flow of emotions and desires innate to our physical, God-handmade bodies, we also need to circle back around and upwards to what is eternal.

The other day at a Passover seder, the worship leader closed us out with “Hymn of Heaven.” 

“There will be a day when all will bow before Him.”

That, sisters, is the grand finale of our time here on earth. The anticipated culmination our lives are heading for. (I feel like there’s a Latin word here I’m forgetting. Any ideas?)

“In the end, we'll see that it was worth it

When He returns to wipe away our tears”

Every year the locusts have eaten will turn into praise as we see, finally see, the One we’ve claimed faith in all these years.

“On that day…[we’ll] stand beside the heroes of the faith.”

We can’t forget that we belong to a whole host of faithful throughout generations, spread across continents and time eras, and representing every personality and idiosyncrasy possible. In Christ, we are members together, witnesses of the only true God, the One who loves us so much He was willing to sacrifice Himself to save our rebellious behinds.

Together we’ll sing, “Worthy is the Lamb who was slain.”

Because, single sisters, these momentary afflictions will be swallowed up in victory. Our eager waiting will find its blissful home in the presence of Jesus. All will be how it was supposed to be.

So, as we paddle through the waves of families this Easter Sunday, as we join family members and notice our own non-parenthood or non-spouseness, let’s circle back around and up to why we are here, what we are celebrating, the One who holds our eternal identity. May God give us grace to remember our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ.

And if just reading this makes you want to mope, Ize sowwy! I'm not trying to minimize singleness for you right now. Gurl, I've been surrounded with nonstop relationship talk all during my Easter break, and I literally have no prospects. Unless I want to spend $50 to get on Christian Mingle and read the message I was sent. Yeah no. Ok, maybe. I'm not currently severely struggling with singleness--thank God! But, the last thing I want to do is be a voice that says you need to suck it up and not feel anything tomorrow. At my church's Good Friday service yesterday, we heard a clip from a John Piper sermon about the suffering of God and all Jesus suffered for us. He suffered physical torture. I'm a soft American. I would rather go through some emotional anguish than physical pain. But so much of our brothers and sisters in Christ have suffered physically for Jesus. I guess it just brought some perspective. We need to figure out how to give ourselves grace when we are struggling with singleness and also not forget our heavenly citizenship at the same time.

281: doin' what does not come natur'lly

As some of you may know, I’m a middle school teacher at a small Christian school. One of the many subjects I teach this year is world history, which requires learning things that feel new to me despite my history degree. Recently, one of the topics I researched was the Safavid Empire, the Islamic precursor to modern-day Iran. What does this have to do with singleness? Come for the history lesson; stay for the application. ;) 

Shah Abbas is considered the second founder of the Safavid Empire. He kicked out the Ottoman and Uzbek forces from Persian land, ushered in the Golden Age of Persia, and ordered a magnificent blue ceramic mosque to be built. Yet, despite the kingdom flourishing, Abbas was paranoid about others seizing his power. Paranoia stemming from childhood trauma led to Abbas blinding his father, his brothers, and two of his sons. He even killed one of his sons and then later regretted it.

But in world history, royal paranoia and family killings are par for the course. Earlier in the same unit, I taught about Taizu, the founder of the Ming Dynasty in China, who had 70,000 of his government workers killed because of his paranoia–and that was after 30,000 were killed throughout a fourteen-year internal investigation.

Concurrent with these lessons about Chinese and Persian rulers, in Bible class we were reading about the life of King David. 1 Kings 15:5 says, “David did what was right in the eyes of the LORD, and had not turned aside from anything that He commanded him all the days of his life, except in the matter of Uriah the Hittite.” Except for that one instance with Bathsheba, David’s heart abided with the Lord. Although David was a king among the kingdoms of men, his heart did not camp out on the natural way of doing things.

Now, externally, David’s experiences should have prompted the same paranoia seen in his pagan counterparts. For example, before David was officially installed as king, his father-in-law, King Saul, saw that the spirit of God was upon David, heard the people praising his military exploits, and felt so threatened that he chased David around the countryside trying to kill him. Then later, once David became king, his own son Absalom staged a temporarily successful coup against his dad and had himself proclaimed king.

David had every reason to worry that someone was going to take his power.

But David entrusted himself and his kingdom to the Lord. His trust in God’s sovereignty wasn’t a cliche either. His troubles were real and large. “LORD, how they have increased who trouble me!...Many are they who say of me, ‘There is no help for him in God’” (Psalm 3:1-2). Imagine having those around you shake their head and say that God is not with you, that He does not have a good plan for you, that He is not there to help you. I can’t imagine.

Connecting History with Singleness

One day after work, I sat in my car struggling with my singleness and had a brief Psalm 73 moment. I thought how it was ignorant for me to think if I just spent a week or month in focused prayer that God would finally bring me a husband. Others have prayed and fasted, and God hasn’t given them husbands.

I was responding very naturally. I was seeing with the eyes of the kingdoms of men. But that’s not who I am called to be or how I am called to respond. David set an example of how to look at real problems and choose to trust God to do what God does.

“I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people Who have set themselves against me all around” (Psalm 3:6). Ten thousands of people! This isn’t a blind faith. It isn’t a crutch. Trusting God is an intentionally different-from-the-world way of approaching real problems. It is choosing to step into God’s kingdom and do things differently.

When David fled Jerusalem during Absalom’s coup, he sent the ark of the covenant back to the city saying, “‘If I find favor in the eyes of the LORD, He will bring me back and show me both it and His dwelling place. But if He says thus: “I have no delight in you,” here I am, let Him do to me as seems good to Him’” (2 Sam 15:25-26).

David didn’t presume that he was owed anything before the Kingship of God even though he was completely in the right and Absalom was completely in the wrong. He submitted his future to God’s justice and higher wisdom, however that may look. So, even when we as single women can rightfully claim that God Himself did institute marriage the sixth day of creation, David gives us this example of still letting God be God, whatever He wants to do.

As David and his men traveled down the road away from Jerusalem, Shimei trailed along on the hillside above, cursing and throwing stones and kicking up dust. One of David’s men was like, “Can I please go kill this guy?” But David said, “‘See how my son who came from my own body seeks my life. How much more now may this Benjamite? Let him alone, and let him curse; for so the LORD has ordered him. It may be that the LORD will look on my affliction, and that the LORD will repay me with good for his cursing this day’” (2 Samuel 16:11-12).

And how did it turn out? We know David did return to Jerusalem as the victorious king once again. But David was willing to let God decide how it would play out.

In my school’s chapel, a guest pastor preaching on the armor of God said that, when we are living righteously (per the breastplate of righteousness), there is a certain level of protection God gives us that we don’t have otherwise. That stuck out to me, because I don’t always recognize that. Sometimes it seems like I take on the norms of this world and the natural way of seeing things and almost purposely do not put on the eyes of faith. But if I’m going to choose to live in the kingdom of God–the kingdom I have been spiritually born into–then I cannot grab onto what I see with my natural eyes and wave that in front of God’s face and tell God that that’s all He’s doing. I have to see counter to nature.

This winter I was in San Francisco with a single friend I rarely see enjoying some amazing Salt & Straw ice cream (see pic of their salted, malted, chocolate chip cookie dough). I was telling her about a situation where two people were hesitant about pursuing a relationship in case it didn’t work out. Her response struck me between the eyes because it was so in line with the kingdom of God and my brain was so not there. With a good amount of passion, she replied, “Well, why don’t they fast and pray and see what God’s will is? Do they think God won’t show them what to do?”

Oh yeah….

The natural way of doing things doesn’t take into account that our God is in heaven and He does what He pleases, that He is allowed to do what He pleases, and that He has a history of intervening on behalf of His own.

I thought I surrendered my singleness to God when I was 20 years old, and then again years later. But now, at 39 years old, as I’m hitting my head against this unanswered prayer of wanting–needing–a husband, trusting God with the outcome like David did does not feel natural.

Because it isn’t.

Truly letting God do as seems good to Him is an intentional choice to step into the kingdom of God and do the opposite of what the kingdoms of men do.

May God give us the serenity to live more fully in His unique kingdom and not default to doing what comes naturally.

233: musings turned ramble turned somewheres else

Today I finally got away to a Christian bookstore-turned-coffee shop for a chance at a Spice Chai and some sitting. With the smart phone (aka Facebook, texting, Internet) tucked away in my purse, (and, by God's grace, staying there for the most part) I was able to, finally, devote some time to journaling and trying to pray.

And so I found myself journaling about, what else, singleness.

It's in those moments where I actually pause in life that I seem to wax on about this state.

Why?

I think part of it is because in my actual life--in my life as a teacher--every day I fail. Every day, or most every day, I could come home, consider my day, and despair about a myriad of ways I have failed both in Christian character and academically, though mostly in my behavior.

So when I come home in the evening, if I have been able to put aside the cares of the day, if I have dealt with the lingering issues that must be mentally dealt with before having peace, then I have very little desire to stir them all up again by even thinking about them in prayer.

Ok, so this blog post is becoming a processing sounding board. A public journal. Soooooorrrry.

When the moment comes to settle into a dark leather chair with a hot drink in hand on a Saturday morning, when the scene is idyllic, Instagram-worthy, and not at all my usual (I'm not a hot drink person), when I am coming to God Almighty when focused prayer time has become a confusing maze of where do I start and how does one do this, I always, naturally, come back to singleness.

Eh, and maybe it is because another friend got engaged and just posted it on Facebook.

Maybe it is because I have always equated the desire for marriage with hope. And when I come to God in a quiet moment, I come to the One in whom I hope.

Maybe--allow me to get ridiculously metaphysically philosophical, cuz this is the first time I've considered this--maybe, very seldom, I am not praying about marriage at all, but rather a desire for the day when He will make all things beautiful.

There's a book I read eons ago by Ted Dekker (but this wasn't a novel) called The Slumber of Christianity: Awakening a Passion for Heaven on Earth. Although I don't remember much about it now, I believe that is where I first awakened to this idea of HOPE. That we are created to hope. That hope is so, so powerful.

Of course, the hope that our souls crave is really Heaven.

There is so much about our perception that needs to be corrected. I mean, I was journaling today about wives being submissive and quiet and was thinking about how meekness is strength under control and how women have all this social-emotional strength and, unwittingly, I kinda realized that when we say everything we are thinking--measure, condemn, and demolish a man with our words--that that is not using our strength, that is like a city with no walls where what was meant for good has run amuck!

Perspective. Perception. A tweak here, a tweak there.

Goodness, this is not the blog post I was planning to write. Oh well, I didn't plan what I was going to write anyway.

We have to keep growing. Learning to see things more accurately.

Back to the topic of several paragraphs ago, I do desire marriage, and not for some idealistic, metaphysical, replacement hope for heaven. I have very real reasons to want marriage, and I also have sinful reasons to want marriage, like covetously wanting to join the "I have someone too" club.

But, as C.S. Lewis said, if we find a desire within us that cannot be met here on earth--a fairy tale hope, a dream of a Savior on a white horse, the call to a reality other than this one--maybe it is because we ARE made for somewhere else. Whether single, married, happy, frustrated, we are all mortals seeking a heavenly city which hath foundations, whose builder and maker is God. We have a homeland (Hebrews 11:14).

If you are going to freeze-frame an Instagram-worthy moment of time, believe even more in the beauty of eternity, because actual life in the presence of the I AM is going to be more real, more unimaginable, more beyond-comprehension fulfilling than an unfiltered pic of a coffee cup and a leather seat on a Saturday morning.

193: reminder to self to not let sin become normal to me

Some more thoughts based off of the Facebook buzz these days:

The world acting like the world is not an excuse to accept it as okay for us. I often hear the phrase "all sin is equal," or a similar phrasing. While I think you could argue from Scripture that that is not accurate, even if it is, this phrase always seems to be used to 1) excuse sexual sin, or 2) point out the hypocrisy of making a bigger deal out of a behavior than an attitude.

But if we are going to argue that all sin is equal, then that should encourage us to become even more sensitive to the evil of sin, and to increase our fear of the Lord. It should not make us timid to take a personal stand against sin in fear that we are casting the first stone and ignoring the plank in our own eye. Our beliefs and convictions are not based on our perfection but God's holiness. It should make us more diligent to personally repent and recalibrate our lives as we see the contrast between God's holiness and our rebellion.

It's as if because we accept that the world is acting like the world, and that our pride is on par to other sins, that we then lay down our battle standards and accept sin as normal. Not just normal to the world. Just normal. Normal to us.

He had to DIE--God in the flesh--and yet we'll let sin entertain us? I bring up entertainment because that's what the conversation is about these days. I'm not talking about making every movie a Christian-themed movie or one where no character acts fallen. I'm talking about when the sin is part of the entertainment. When it becomes part of the turning off our minds and being fed as acceptable what Jesus had to die to deliver us from. When we become okay with that. Living in the world but not of it . . . except when we willingly breathe in the world's values from the comfort of our Christian homes as part of the pleasure of our souls.

I'm not even thinking about dictating to the world what movies should or should not be made, though as consumers we should let our voice be heard. And I'm not talking about "judging the world." I'm referring to when we as confessing believers are tempted to mindlessly submit to, and defend (!!), the world's standard. We do not need to be slaves to what passes as today's entertainment. We serve God Almighty before Whom His created beings cover their faces or fall on their faces crying, "Holy, holy, holy!" That is our standard. We compare what is acceptable to that, not to what is accepted by "good people," or mainstream Christianity, today. God help me.

I write because I am so easily influenced. I so easily take on the flavors and scents of whatever I am around, the opinions of Facebook, of spoken words swirling around me mixed with the culture of the age. I must recalibrate myself to the truth sometimes, drawing the line in the sand even as I struggle to get on the right side of that line.

If sin is sin, then let's treat it as such and not accept it as the world has.

"People are requesting prayer regarding their besetting sins and character weaknesses instead of coming in honesty and humility to God and saying, 'I am constantly tempted to commit this sin because I love this sin. I do not hate it. I need the fear of God. O God, give me a hatred for what I now love. I receive it by faith in Jesus' name.'" --Joy Dawson, Intimate Friendship with God

"knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin" --Romans 6:6

P.S. This is not my opinion on Beauty and the Beast. This is my reminder to not let my standards fall in general.

148: faith in what?

He could not do many miracles there and marveled because of their unbelief.

"Do You not care that we are perishing?" "Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?"

I write to myself. I remind myself of who I ought to be. I say these things to attempt to keep myself surrendered under His hand every day when I want to inwardly rebel.

Faith in what? Faith that He will be glorified by your life even if it goes according to His plan not yours. Faith that I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Faith that man plans his way but the Lord directs his steps, even if those steps do not follow what you thought His path was going to be for you. Faith that when He lets Jairus' daughter or Lazarus or even Himself die, when He allows those He loves to mourn, that He does not let even a sparrow fall without His notice. Faith that He is the resurrection and the life, and if He lets something die, it is not without His seeing or being able to resurrect if that were His will. Faith that confesses we are strangers and pilgrims on the earth, and faith that prays Your kingdom come, Your will be done.

Faith that gives oneself over to His will, whatever that may be, with no holding back and no bitterness when you see a friend walking the very path you had once chosen for yourself. Because that is not His will for you.

Your ways are higher than my ways. I will believe in the goodness of Your plan.

"Keep looking Himwards--He alone can lead thee;

Nor count from choicest friends thy way to glean;

He knowest best where He Himself doth need thee,

    And He can lead thee by means unseen."

--J. Danson Smith, as quoted in Mrs. Cowman's devotional

No, this is not just about singleness.

It is about believing in our God.

see the tree on the left that looks like the "fuzzy black thing" from two posts ago?

129: Immanuel (the long version) (no, there is no short version)

The hopes and fears of all the years are met in thee tonight.

That line struck me this year.

Singles, we know what it is to go through years of hoping. And simultaneously years of fearing what the future may or may not bring.

For thousands of years the world, the Jewish nation, had been waiting. Waiting for the Promise. Millennia on millennia until surely it must have felt like it would never come.

Was it a myth?

Something dreamed up to make them feel better about their lives? A coming Messiah to cure all woes?

Would He keep His promise after all this time?

How would they recognize him? Maybe he'd already come and they'd missed it!

And then, in a darkened cave on a hay sprinkled, hard dirt floor, all of history, Biblical and Ancient, converged and began to pivot.

He didn't come as they supposed. A conqueror to deliver them from Roman oppression. To save them from everything wrong about their circumstances and what made them unhappy with life.

He came as the Prince of Peace.

He came as the Truth.

He came as the Word of God, silently, so silently given.

The forgiver of sins.

He came and met their primary emotional need. The first need before every other emotional need.

Because, see, a change in their condition or circumstance was not what they needed or what would make them happy. Because Jesus is timeless. He is not for one situation or one people in one location.

He entered outside of time into time. And when He died on the cross to purchase us from our own consequences brought on ourselves, that sacrifice, in my unsubstantiated opinion, reverberated throughout eternity, and eternity was rewritten as if it had always been. He had always purchased you, in love. It was written even before the foundation of the world.

You might still feel under the oppression of the reigning power of lack and loneliness and hopeless desperation.

But in our dark street He still shineth. The everlasting light. And where meek souls will receive Him still, the dear Christ enters in and meets our soul's need for an Immanuel, a God who will be with us. A God who is with us.

He came, and He still comes, into our dark, gasping for change places. Was it His original desire for His people to be living as they did under Roman and religious oppression? No, I'm guessing not. But circumstances wax and wane. Even yours and my circumstances will change. Who He is, our Rock in a time of storm, the surveyor of all time and sovereign determiner of the kingdoms of men, the Keeper of our souls, will not change. He will be with you, always with you, pouring into you His peace and comfort and hope and joy whatever your current situation.

Guys we like will find girlfriends--or won't even realize we exist! We will cause pain with our fickleness. Relatives will ask us if we've found someone yet, and we'll use our self-control to politely shake our heads no--again. And yet . . . Immanuel. God won't turn away from us, won't stay right out of reach, won't unchoose or not choose us because we've messed up royally. Immanuel, Wonderful Counselor, Everlasting Father.

Is there a hope like this? There just isn't. It is the ultimate present all-year round.

His presence. Always with us.

Joy to the world!

85: why I have to go back to Elohim

Because I can be frustrated with turns of events now, whatever they may be, and blame it on this, that, or the other, and call it unfair.

And I can finally, slowly, reconcile myself to these events.

And I can declare that God had a plan.

But, if I still hold onto this ideal of how things should be

If I say THIS is the way things ought to be and reach for this twinkling star

And keep my focus on that twinkling star as the end all of happiness

SMASH!

Because happy wives can become widows

Arms ready for children can remain bare

Et cetera

Et cetera

Et cetera

And so,

this is why I have to remember to go back to Elohim.

It is all about Jesus.

It is all about His glory.

It is about Elohim sitting on the throne of glory high and lifted up, and the train of His robe filling the temple,

And all around Him cry "Holy! Holy! Holy!"

That is Truth. Reality. Beauty.

That remains constant.

That is the twinkling pinpoint that must always center my vision.

I need the reminder now and tomorrow and next month and six months from now and next year.

78: the other side of the equation (just realized how algebraic that figure of speech is....)

I've been so stressed out this weekend. Friday night I tried to tune out school anxiety but the lump in my stomach remained late into the evening. Saturday I slept all day and cried. Yesterday I lesson planned and felt a little better. Today was a day from . . . the unnamed place. I thought maybe Monday would prove that the mountain of Friday, Saturday, and Sunday wasn't as big as imagined, but instead it confirmed it.

They say tomorrow will be better. Just get some sleep. It'll all look better in the morning. I've already experienced that that's not necessarily true.

It is hard to even enjoy being at home, not to mention the weekend, when you have IMPOSSIBILITY scribbled across your chalkboard future.

I am struggling, really struggling, with this whole "I can't do this, Jesus can" thing. I'm not struggling with the concept as much as with the practical application. I know I need to give it over to Jesus, but I forget that the other half of "I can't" is "He can." Because over and over inside me is "I can't do this!" "I don't know how." "I don't want to." "I want to give up." And a thousand nameless emotions swirling like a whirlpool winding downward.

And I completely lose faith.

Because faith requires hope.

And hope requires...hope. Hope that tomorrow will be better. That the second half will be better than the first half. That I'll do better. That they'll do better. That someone will come and fix something.
A tangible hope. A lifeline out there that if I can just catch....

But all of those hopes are man-dependent.

And since currently I've lost almost all hope in man being able to fix my problems, I find I lose faith. Forget to have faith.

Forget that it's not Jesus can because I can.

But just, Jesus can.

Lord, act.

"From the end of the earth I will cry to You,
When my heart is overwhelmed;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I." (Psalm 61: 2)

"He sent from above, He took me;
He drew me out of many waters.
He also brought me out into a broad place;
He delivered me because He delighted in me." (Psalm 18:16, 19)

"Oh, that You would rend the heavens!
That You would come down!
For since the beginning of the world
Men have not heard nor perceived by the ear,
Nor has the eye seen any God besides You,
Who acts for the one who waits for Him." (Isaiah 64:1, 4)


P.S. I did have one redeeming moment today. I began the day talking about God's standard of love, how much we fall short, how we need Jesus, and how willingly God forgives us. Later in the day when two of my students were particularly having issues, another student came to me humbly and quietly told me he just prayed for them. Yes! Because God can do SO much more than we can do.



Used audiobooks that keep me smiling while driving--
especially dear old Jeeves



These are a few of my favorite things.



Because it's not cool to post pix of your food on FB anymore


76: walking on water

Tomorrow I go back to work.

When I started Christmas break, I was drowning. And I had been drowning for more than several weeks before then.

God is calling me to walk on water again.

I don't know if like Peter I originally asked him to call me out on the water or if it was His idea. Either way, that's where I ended up.

Then I looked at the winds and waves and began to sink.

Because the winds and the waves were very real. They were not an illusion. Sinking was the default position.

But now I'm being called to look up and look higher and trust in Him who is unseen and who has power to do the unthinkable.

working on verb tenses before Christmas break

He is calling me to walk on water and part of me doesn't want to because I know it'll not be in my own strength and that I will have to actively rely on Him and that it's not reasonable to expect me to walk on water but it's either resign myself to a year of sinking or obey and get up on the waves again.

The passage He gave me at the beginning of the year has been following me around the last two weeks. Everywhere it keeps popping up. Confirmation?

"Be strong and of good courage . . . . Only be strong and very courageous . . . . Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go. . . . Only the LORD your God be with you . . . . Only be strong and of good courage." (Joshua 1:6-7, 9, 17-18)

 

"Not because of who I am, but because of what You've done. Not because of what I've done, but because of who You are."

 

Onward and forward! Through Him! And for Him.



63: ashes

There is hope.

I imagine a city in ashes, spires blackened with fire, a gray hue coloring the whole, the sky devoid of color because of the ruin.

And yet that is only one city.

One empire.

One section of one person's history. The Truth is marching on.

The Way is still the Way. The Truth is still the Truth. And Life, the Life and Light of all mankind, is still there like three suns (or one, if you're not into sci-fi) shining bright, unable to be extinguished because of some earthly blaze.

Ashes...simply remainders, chaff-like flecks of reminders that what was there before did not need to last for ultimate Reality to continue.

12: summum bonum

A corner of my life is quickly getting consumed with "the guy hunt." I'm not even particularly anxious to be in a relationship at the moment; I'm just enjoying finding and filtering through options. It's embarassing to admit, but I am. And as I clarified to a friend the other day, I'm not a player, I'm just trying to be more practical and less emotionally involved than is my norm, per a friend's example and my mom's advice (or at least my interpretation of her advice!). Fortunately my friend laughed at the idea of me being a player. But for a girl who only talked about guys in code through all of her teens, talking about guys openly sometimes makes me feel obsessed.

So, yes, a corner of my life has been consumed, especially since I started this new blog. So it's time for a blessed reminder.

The Lord is my summum bonum.* The Lord is the greatest good, my greatest good.

Whatever you have your head down in, focused on, consumed by, every once in awhile peek up and remind yourself that God is the summum bonum of your life.

This season of my life will pass. Either I'll get worn out or I'll retreat in terror when a good guy is actually interested in me or I will get married and will enter a new season of my life.

I might get in a relationship and have it end in disaster.

I might get exasperated at not finding any good guys.

Basically, this is only a corner of my life, and if everything goes wrong, or if everything goes well, God is still God and it's all about knowing Him and following Him.

That's stability right there.

And that's what I sometimes have to pause my exhilirating carousel ride to remember. My existence is about Him.

*I thought Wikipedia did a nice job explaining this phrase: "Summum bonum is a Latin expression meaning "the highest good" and is used in philosophy, particularly in medieval philosophy and in Kantianism, to describe the ultimate importance, the singular and most ultimate end which human beings ought to pursue. The summum bonum is generally thought of as being an end in itself, and at the same time containing all other goods."