Tuesday, July 23, 2013

52: asking God to move the guy

I'm a Boundless girl, which means I think in terms of DTR.

DTR: an abbreviation for "define the relationship;" what all relationships must have lest they stay forever in the buddy phase.

Buddy Phase: when you are in a dating-like friendship with a guy who is not interested in taking the relationship forward, thereby stunting your own journey towards marriage because you are unwilling to give up having a guy in your life

Anyway, I mentioned in a previous post that I was waiting for a DTR from a certain guy online. I wanted to either hear from him if he thought this acquaintanceship could go anywhere, or have him propose us meeting in person (since another fellow from only a couple hours away had e-mailed me for three months on eHarmony and we never met--wasn't going to do that again!). Of course, what I didn't realize when I was thinking all this was that we'd only been e-mailing for two weeks! :-P Yeah, maybe a little early for a DTR.

I wrote the following in my journal

Sent query to Boundless about what to do when you spent 3 months e-mailing a guy you met on a Christian dating site and after 3 months you never met and he didn't even try to meet you til you hinted and now you've been e-mailing another guy for 2 weeks and want to either meet or find out if the acquaintanceship is going anywhere (DTR-define the relationship-b/c I don't mind staying just friends if I know) but don't know how to encourage such without being forward, scaring him, or taking away his initiative but don't want to still be chumming it months down the road.

Determined to pray that God would move him so I wouldn't have to say anything with dual benefit of seeing if he listens to God's voice. Estimated waiting time: one week.

So I put it in God's all-powerful hands--not the first thing an anxious girl that wants to know thinks of--and you know what? God answered immediately! The fellow IMed that same day, which, in dating site land, or at least to me, was taking it one step forward (real time convo vs. e-mailing). Then awhile later he suggested meeting in person. And then . . .

I'll save that for another post. :)

Monday, July 22, 2013

51: I don't like surprises

A fellow I've gotten to know as a friend on ChristianMingle said something profound the other day. I was telling him how I'm terrified of the process of getting from unattached singleness to marriage. I was telling him how I don't like the part of dating where you have a picture in your head of who someone is, but you don't know when you're going to find out something about them that will change your whole perception and the person will pop out of the box you've put them in. I said extra info confuses me, muddies the waters.

He said that it makes the picture clearer.

Surprises about the person you're interested in, learning more about their past, finding out about secret, unplanned idiosyncrasies--they make the picture clearer.

That's a good thing.

I want to remember that.

Monday, July 15, 2013

50: on saying no

Fellows (my age) have sent me messages, and I've declined to reply. One time I even responded and told him I didn't think it would work out. But these were people I hadn't interacted with, and it was in an e-mail format. Very easy to say no and move on.

I just had to tell someone no via instant messenger, and that was harder.

Because he seemed to be a good guy. Really. But I just wasn't interested.

Maybe it was his pictures (reminiscent of the main character--a creep--in the BBC made-for-TV movie He Knew He Was Right). Maybe it was because I could tell his personality was milder than I prefer. Maybe it was because he was Reformed, and I'm not (ask the people in my church who are!). Actually, it was all of the above.

We had talked once before on instant messenger, which is when I discovered he was Reformed. We had a good conversation, and I found out he knew people I knew from when he debated for a year. By the end of the conversation, even though I had given him a chance, I knew I wasn't interested.

Tonight he IMed me again. Sometime soon, I was going to have to let him know, and I hoped he wouldn't force my hand, but I had a hunch he would.

The moment came when he asked if I wanted to continue the conversation on e-mail. I conveniently ignored it.

Then, at the end of the conversation, he asked again. I made an excuse. He countered. I had to tell him that I understood what he meant, but thanks, no.

We said goodbye.


I'm sure some of you are going what? you don't even know the guy, no biggie!


It's still hard for me to send that message of rejection.

Ah well, it's over now.

Saturday, July 13, 2013

49: people watching, the fun of dating sites

You should try online dating if for no other reason than reading other people's profiles. Just kidding! But it is rather a from-home way of going to the mall to people watch.

Hot Squeeze didn't include a picture because he thought it would be best if you saw him in person. He's larger than life!

Weekly attender of a well-known, solid church answered "To me, being a Christian means..." "Be true"

What I really can't understand is why I got a "smile" from a 45 year old after changing my profile to read, "If you are 40+, please don't click on my profile."

Getting profile views from 18 year olds is just as wrong as getting them from 49 year olds.

The introductory words of an older man with a creepy, blue-tinted photo were I'm a serious person and I believe in the Apocalypse.

On the humorous side, one guy starts his profile with, "Describe myself? Well...I'm insecure , lack confidence, still live with mom and dad, and unemployed. Still interested? If your answer is yes...get help!"

One guy didn't know what to write, so he put random facts about himself, like, "I used to be fat... and yes I have the pictures to prove it!"

What about this one? "I am VERY conservative; 100% pro-life; and passionate about adoption, being an advocate for orphans, as well as home-schooling. Also, I'm a firm believer in the Second Amendment. =)"

First reaction, haha!
Second reaction, advocate for orphans...wait, really?
Third reaction, there's hope!

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

48: practically speaking

This evening I hit a glitch in my latest online dating e-mail relationship. But, in some way I was glad because it gave me an opportunity (like I should need one?) of throwing myself back on God.

After my initial dread that I might have to tell the guy that this isn't going anywhere (which I think is perhaps my #1 relationship fear), my second thought was "Am I ever going to be able to find someone?"

I think sometimes I (and maybe those like me) put too much stock in the guy as being all in all. So that it isn't practical any more or more laid back, but ultra serious.

I'm trying to adjust my thinking so that I don't need to find Mr. Perfect but someone who will . . . fill the hole God created for a physical man to fill in my life. (Is it possible to have a hole that God designed for someone other than Himself to normally fill?)

My need is God, and I can live single. Every day I live in relationship with the One who has walked with me every day of my life, who has proven Himself faithful, who has not forgotten me in His work as matchmaker. I constantly need to put my trust back in Him. He is my all in all, He is my forever friend, I can live single (Did I really just say that? Who are you and what did you do with me?).

But, back to the practical side, God designed marriage, which isn't designed to be between me and an invisible, infinite being. It's just not. At least, not while I'm on earth. How God designed it, you've got to have a lovely girl and a loving man. And it becomes something beautiful that God smiles on.

God isn't threatened by marriage or physical affection or boy/girl love. That's HIS creation, His invention, how He made us. It wasn't even like a side institution. He actually made us to fit together like a puzzle. Because He wanted us to find each other and fit together like a puzzle, in His image.

So I don't have to either think a-guy-is-my-all-in-all or swing over to the Jesus-is-my-boyfriend side of the pendulum. It is okay for me to practically just want an in-the-flesh guy. Whether God provides that or not is up to Him.

(I guess this is my 8 months later response to what I wrote last September.)

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

47: battle of the opinions

He asks you to clarify an opinion you expressed on your profile. You explain, trying to strike the balance between firmness and liberality, since you don't know where he's coming from. He very generously understands where you're coming from and has no counter arguments! You ask him about something he said. He explains. You're pleased with his explanation. You continue to share opinions on various topics and are amazed at how well he expresses himself and how similar your viewpoints are.

And then you drop The Big One. The topic you have a feeling you will disagree on.

And you're right.

He writes out his full apologetic. You reply back with your full contrary apologetic.

When did getting to know someone also become a simultaneous battle of the opinions, a precarious dance to see if the two of you can agree on all things important/semi-important?

It's always been that way with me. I've always put a lot of stock in what my maybe-future-partner believes.

And the more I see someone as a "possibility," the more nervous I get about finding a topic where we disagree. I veer off more from getting to know the person and become a little more aggressive in arguing my opinions.

Then I start wondering if he's going to be turned off by an argumentative woman.

No moral to the story. Just one step in my journey through online "dating."

Monday, July 8, 2013

46: circumstances don't matter

Driving to and from the grocery store for an emergency run for mayonnaise (yes, there is actually such a thing as a mayo emergency!), I heard parts of today's Focus on the Family radio broadcast. Wow. From the slurred voice, I could immediately tell he was handicapped. He was talking about contentment. And how the Bible says he is fearfully and wonderfully made. He said people say he's a nobody, but he was bought by the blood of the Lamb.

It's another penetrating reminder that there is no good reason for discontentment when one is a child of God.

Here the whole broadcast here (Living Joyously Part 1 with David Ring).

Friday, July 5, 2013

FMF: Beautiful

Linking up with Five Minute Friday. Topic: Beautiful.

Tonight I went to a dinner for the staff and some board members of the school I'll be teaching at come August. By the end of the evening, driving home, I was so overwhelmed about next year. I'm a good tutor. I have a LOT to learn, but I do think I'm good at it. But in a classroom there is so much to remember to teach them, so much they have to master. How can I possibly multi-task 7 subjects, 2 grades, countless little things (like months of the year or public speaking) plus classroom management?

Lord God, I am overwhelmed, sobered. How can I be on top of it? Really, this is only my second year of teaching in a classroom (not consecutively). I think how much I've grown, what a better job I'll do. In reality, I haven't mastered classroom teaching. I'm going to give it my best shot, but I don't know what I'm doing. Help me, Lord!

What is beautiful is that the God of the Universe cares, hears, and will answer.

45: dinosaurs (no, really)

I believe in dinosaurs.

I even believe that dinosaurs were on the earth at the same time as humans.

I believe in a world wide flood that left fossils on the top of mountains.

I believe that Job was describing dinosaurs when he talks about Behemoth and Leviathan.

The topic of dinosaurs keeps popping up lately! I bought a really interesting, easy reptile book the other week. The first couple pages cover the tyrannosaurus, brontosaurus, etc. Then the last page, talking about the Komodo Dragon says,

"As he flicks his yellow tongue, he looks like the dragon of fairy tales and legends.

We know there are no real dragons.

And no one ever saw a live dinosaur."

I almost felt like I was being brainwashed. Like, "Now make sure children, you understand, no one every saw a live dinosaur. Understand? There are no such thing as real dragons. Okay?" *waits for heads to nod* "Good!"

What I want to know is, how did ancient peoples know about dinosaurs in order to carve "imaginative" rock drawings of themselves with dinosaurs if they had never seen one before? If they had never seen a dinosaur because they had died out millions of years earlier, how did they know what they looked like in order to draw them?

How could there be legends of dragons throughout history if before archeology no one had ever encountered dragon-like beings? It's not like there was some scribe prehistorically that recorded all his observations for future generations.

It's been rather funny lately at tutoring. I'm not sure how he started talking about dinosaurs. But I've been learning a lot. Dinosaurs were never on the earth with people. How do you know? Because they all died out. How? In that big meteorite that killed all of them and then volcanos erupted. (My mind was trying to wrap around how a big meteorite could reach all the dinosaurs all over the earth and yet not destroy everything else on the earth.) What about the other animals? The other animals got away. How did they know the meteorite was coming and the dinosaurs didn't? Their leaders led them away.

I dropped it after that.

Call me a brainwashed Creationist, but it just doesn't make sense to me.

But since they watched a movie about it in school, I'm sure my little fellow will grow up believing the meteorite dinosaur theory as fact. It'll be ingrained as much as two plus two equaling four.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

complaint distraction (viii)

"[H]ere is the difference between a holy complaint and a discontented complaint; in the one we complain to God, in the other we complain of God." -Thomas Watson, quoted in Carolyn McCulley's, Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye?

Do we trust Him?

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

44: happily ever after

I'll admit it, I'm a Facebooker. I remember for the first assignment in Short Story Writing we had to write a humorous anecdote for Reader's Digest. I had no idea how to do that and flopped pretty badly.

Now my favorite activity is writing humorous-to-me Facebook statuses! (still not Reader's Digest worthy)
Do you ever wonder how things like centipedes make it into your bedroom? I do. What do they do, come in the front door, race on their hundred legs down the hallway, and beeline towards me? I don't get it. Ah, the wonders of life!
One oft forgets what clothes one truly has until forced to launder them by dint of busting-at-the-seams hamper. Whereupon a week of I-have-nothing-to-wear is regenerated into Cute-Cute-Cute.
Yes, painting my toenails currently trumps cleaning my disaster-stricken room for the simple reason that I cannot possibly forget to clean my room whereas I will very probably forget to paint my toenails.

Last month I did a first. I used the very annoying "Like this status" tagline:
Like this status if you're living your own "happily ever after" (ie. if you're happily married--boyfriends NOT allowed).

Now the purpose was to be encouraged by those who can validate by experience that God's design of marriage continues to be good. And so I didn't want singles to respond because that would defeat my purpose. I added in the comments section:
(and yes, I acknowledge well that you can be happy and single, but let us not redefine the phrase "happily ever after" like the homosexual activists want to redefine "marriage").

Because, I know that some content singles just will not be left out of "happily ever after," even if that phrase has traditionally referred to marriage exclusively.

Such a pushing in is reminiscent of those feminists who insisted on being on equal footing with men because they were not happy in their distinct and different roles.

But being happy as a single doesn't mean we have to experience the same kind of happy as a married.

I think it's reminiscent of homosexual activists who want to redefine marriage to include same-sex couples.

We don't have to redefine "happily ever after" to include us. Shouldn't a content single be completely confident in who she is in her unattached state, and even in her "marriage to God," so that she doesn't have to steal from the the distinct glory of God's design of marriage?

I share opinions like this because God's design is worthy of being exalted and lifted up as good, regardless of whether or not I ever experience it.