Friday, November 22, 2013

67: my turning point

Maybe the turning point is when you can (after a decade of not being able to) pick up and move on. When the strong wave of infatuation sweeps over you and, after a couple days of recovering from the tsunami, you can continue on with the crush as part of last week's history instead of today's trauma.

Maybe it's when God hands you this thing called life and you finally, FINALLY, accept, with reluctance--but it grows on you--that whole cliché that life is now not sometime down the road. When you harness your hope as a tool to become the person you want to be now instead of sincerely believing you'll be that person once you have another person by your side.

It's not about giving up hope or losing the I-like-this-guy-and-can't-believe-I-finally-have-someone-to-like moments or leaving behind the depressing and-now-there-is-no-one-to-like-and-no-one-likes-me times or never again sitting in front of the computer and living vicariously through a Christmas Hallmark movie (because, personally, sometimes that's the best kind of therapy).

Maybe it's when you more often realize that the reason you are obsessing over this deeply held desire is because you haven't had any quality God time in the last three days, and that if you just spent some quality time with your Sustainer you wouldn't feel so desperate and thirsty and hungry and crazy in need of attention from a boy right now.

Thankful for the turning point. Thankful that I can still want to be a wife and mother.

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