269: the security

I look out over my kids (students) as they take their science standardized test. It is a moment of silence and calm in an otherwise hectic career. Having just taken some moments myself to reconnect spiritually via the last several day's devotionals in God is on the Cross (Dietrich Bonhoeffer), I am ready to  not just see the frustration of trying to educate willful and sometimes ignorant human beings, but now to catch a glimpse of the potential of each individual life that is sitting in these desks before me. Every person here is so unique, with their own interests, looks, desires--futures.

I pray, Lord--may they know You.

Why?

I mean, because that is the way of salvation, obviously. To have their sins covered, washed away, so they do not have to bear the punishment for their own sin.

But also--

That they can have the security that comes with knowing God.

With God, I am never alone.

With God, I have an all-powerful loving Father willing to work on my behalf.

Perhaps most impactful for me in my singleness, with God I have a reason for living, for every moment of my day. I live for a kingdom not of this world. I may not do it well. I may not live it fully. But I have an eternal purpose outside of my temporal circumstances. I do not find meaning only in loving a husband, in showing the world that God's design of marriage is good, in being sanctified as my selfishness is put to the test in living with a man to whom I've pledged my life, body, and heart. That's what we as singles want so badly. But--

Glory be! My life has MEANING and PURPOSE apart from my circumstances. Apart from any and every circumstance. Not just that *I* have value, but that my little life living at home with my parents, teaching at a country school, visiting with my friends, trying to hear God's voice through His Word and prayer--THAT life has meaning and purpose because the whole point of life is not either to endure xyz situations that seem to be the most spiritual OR to be blessed with xyz dreams, but rather in whatever we do, in word or deed, to live all for the glory of God.

Does it sound trite? Yes. But has it the power to change my perspective from despair over a wasted life because I'm not married to hope that God is still God? Yes.

And with that, I can hold my desire for companionship and intimacy and maternal satisfaction and separate it from the value of this single life that keeps slipping by with each birthday that makes me older. I can still want, I can still "need," all those physical things, but I don't have to feel subpar or under my married peers.

And that's simply from knowing the Lord.

So yes, I want my kids to know that they have value, no matter what family situations or future situations they face, simply because they are part of the kingdom of God. They have a Father to whom they are eternally connected, who directs the path of their lives, and who is with them every second, and wants their hearts.