41: letting go

Piles of books on my bed. Books to get rid of. Books to extricate myself from because they are becoming a burden instead of only a delight.

I love books, love to collect books, LOVE to shop for great deals. (25 cents? How can I say "no"!)

The other night at three in the morning God showed me that it's not just the space of three bookshelves in a rather small bedroom that is making me feel claustrophobic but the spiritual weighing down of incoming materialism. For example, could I get rid of all these if God called me to a foreign mission field? No.

So I got out the chopping block, hoping for God's strength to cut off that which I love and value and have emotional connections to.

I remember how my mom bought me that beautifully vellum-covered book, and it ended up not being a very good biography of Amy Carmichael, but I've been trying to give it a second chance for, oh, maybe 10 years.

I've idolized The White House Cookbook for a similar amount of time, guarding its gold leafed pages from abuse while not using it.

I have a lot of pride of pride of possession and noticed that I base most of my collection on someday/one day/what if.

What if one day I finally become a history teacher?

One day I'll be married.

Some day I'll want to read these Agatha Christie's even though right now I'd rather watch the BBC movie versions.

I need these Dickens books because they are a good addition to my library (even if I don't enjoy reading Dickens).

Won't my husband be impressed when he sees I own a book arguing against pacifism?

Via my library, I've built up city walls around me of my supposed wide-variety of interests. As I tore them down, I redefined myself and felt a bit like a blob. I'm not interested enough to read that? Or that? Or that?

But what about these Ravi Zacharias apologetic books? Am I going to get rid of all apologetic books and make myself look like a heathen who doesn't care?

To get rid of good history textbooks on the sheer acknowledgement that I will never be motivated again to read over 300 pages of size 8 font, even though the info is valuable?

I just don't need them right now.

The reality is that I'm not a mother or an apologist or a historian or even a "great reader."

So many good books. And I had to say "no."

God gave me grace. I sold/donated almost two shelves worth yesterday at a sale. And I still have how many shelves full of books? One purge at a time.