36: online dating tips from the non-expert

I've only interacted with three guys on eHarmony and no guys on ChristianMingle and freaked out when I received a missive from a nice guy on ChristianCafe about a year ago, so my experience is really limited, especially considering I've never met anyone in person. Nevertheless, I have a few tips for myself, things I'm learning as I go along.

Lesson 1: Don't worry about whether your honest answers to his questions are probably not what he wants to hear. The point is to see if it can work, not to make it work. (But I know what he wants to hear, and I want to show him I know the right answer! Sorry. Be proud of your own brilliant perceiving powers without using them.)

Lesson 2: Remind yourself of who you are--your interests, ideals, dreams, etc.--regardless of your match. Now is not the time for (healthy) compromise. (I actually love cheese. I'm sorry you think it is the equivalent of chunky milk, but I'm not going to let that comparison change my  mind.)

Lesson 3: Remind yourself of who God is. When you're checking your inbox several times a day, waiting for your match to reply, you lose perspective fast. Like, really fast. (Your life is bigger than an online dating site.)

Lesson 4: Really try not to subconsciously view e-mailing a match like a recreation to cure boredom. That's like perusing matches on a dating site just because there are no more updates on Facebook.

*crickets*

Find something else for your boredom and/or excitement and just enjoy the e-mailing as it happens. Otherwise you'll find yourself staying up til 2 in the morning waiting for a guy that you've never met to reply. Just sayin'.

Lesson 5: Be thankful when he takes his time to reply. When you start communicating with a guy online, you might try to see patterns. Ooh, he always replies after midnight. (Of course, you've only received maybe three messages from him thus far--scanty evidence by which to form a pattern.) So, after you send your reply back, unless you stay up til past midnight waiting for a reply to your reply, you might wake up in the morning and check your e-mail, hoping against hope to see the anticipated sender.

Only to be disappointed. But you buck up and move on.

And come back and check your e-mail at lunch. Oh, but he's probably at work.

And come back and check your e-mail at dinner. He hasn't had time to check his e-mail.

And come back and check your e-mail after dinner. He doesn't reply til late at night.

And come back and check your e-mail at midnight. *impatience*

Uncertainty and doubt start creeping in. Maybe this isn't going to work out. . . .

Wait a minute. When did I start basing my hopes for the future on this match??

I didn't realize hope had inflated within me until a slight delay started deflating it.

But be thankful for the delay. Because new relationships aren't meant to take the pressure of all our hopes for the future.

Lesson 6: Spend regular time with God. When you're thirsty for God, your desire to get regular e-mails from a guy is going to be amplified. I've learned that when I feel oh, I just want to hear from him and then I'll feel better, that's really me being thirsty for God. I need to deal with that instead of letting myself be sucked into the vortex of impatience.

I've been told, "I couldn't do that online dating thing. I'm too emotional." Dear me, so am I! That's why I have to tell myself these things.

But online dating sites are a resource to meet possibly like-minded people that you wouldn't meet otherwise. That's all they are--a resource.