15: encountering bitterness

It really was only a little offense. I had been in the way of a person and their anger. The frustration wasn't directed at me, but it was vented on me, and although I knew the person hadn't had any ill will towards me, I still felt hurt.

I knew it wasn't a big deal. They weren't even thinking about me when they did it. Like I said, I had just gotten in the way of their anger.

And yet every time I came near the person in the course of the day, I couldn't let it go. There was a silent wedge between us that I knew the other person was not aware of. I wanted to be strong and let it "roll off like water off a duck's back," like my mom used to say, but evening came and I knew when we were forced to interact I would still be holding an offense.

My ideal has long been to be a woman who can forgive and let go. I thought that that would be an amazing quality to have as a wife. To not take offense, to meekly receive wrong, and in divine strength, forgive and not take it to heart.

Why then does the Bible speak so often about going to your brother if he offends you?

But we've all witnessed how bringing up offenses to the offender can cause more chaos, strife, arguing, and more offense than you really want to invite by seeking reconciliation (or maybe, restitution).

If only I could forgive and forget, I wouldn't have to go to my brother!

The problem is today I could not forgive and forget. I could feel that seed of separation--bitterness?--digging into me.

So come evening I went to that person and told them I understood the innocence of the situation but I still felt hurt and I just wanted to get it talked out before it came up later, inopportunely.

You know what? The conversation went great. No escalating emotions, no more offenses. Just the awareness, acknowledgement, and reconciliation I needed.

I do want to grow in strength so that I accept offenses far less. But I think I need to reshape my ideal. Perhaps an ideal wife is not a woman who always lets offenses roll off her, but instead is a woman who knows how to stop, and consistently does stop, the root of bitterness. Whether that means silently, in God's strength, truly forgiving, or, with the same meekness, going to her offender for the purpose of reconciliation.